There are so many times where I look at myself and tell myself I can do it. There are others times where I really allow my circumstances to determine my current situation in life. It's a battle within myself everyday, trying to fight my thoughts and feelings, overcoming problems that hold me down. Now a days, the more I try, the more weak I feel. I've made a lot of not so smart moves in this game of life. I do so many things in love, care, concern... but at the end of the day, I feel more let down, then I let my circumstances just make me because it's too hard to try. I want to help so many people, but what's the use if I leave no energy left to help myself? As I was talking to my brother the other day, I need to get out of this slump. I never thought I'd get myself into this situation, this is not I imagined life to look like. He said that I have such a soft heart, which is such a good thing, but sometimes I need some discernment, pick those who are worth investing time in, not grow cold hearted and focus on what I need to do for myself because no one else is going to pave the way for me. I've got myself so deep into the pit, my self confidence has sank lower because of it, it's been SO hard to pull back out and climb back up with mighty strength. Baby steps, Joan, baby steps, rely on God for the strength.
Recently, people's been asking me if I have any prayer requests.
I tell them to pray that "God would guide and direct my future path with big bright neon signs."The other day I got another Fortune Cookie. They always speak to me for some reason.
" You find what you're looking for; just open your eyes! "
God has some sense of humor.
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