I Don't Belong

It's weird, but there are more moments than less where I feel like I don't belong. All my life, I've always been in some way, the odd ball out, I don't care about the extra necessities in life.  I just need enough to survive, everything else is extra. I just want to get to the basics, where it's just about loving God and loving people. It might be because of the way I was raised, it might just be my personality. When I have conversations with people or when I am just hanging out with others, it's just different. Nothing wrong with them, nothing wrong with me, it is what it is. There are many times I feel that I don't fit in, I don't belong? Is it because I'm Christian? I don't think so because they are Christian as well. Is it because I'm still waiting on the assignment that God will be giving me and until then I'm just called to be faithful? Until then, I'm called to just be content in where I am, assimilate. Although I appreciate it, for me, I don't enjoy eating food that costs enough to feed a whole village. I don't care enough to keep up with fashion, buy the trendiest things, spend money on extra necessities that does not necessarily add value to my life. I am not so fascinated by the newest music that comes out or the new movies that show in theaters. I do not care enough to spend the time entertaining my life with things that do not add value and build or encourage me in my walk with God. There are people that have told me that I deserve better, I should be getting paid more, and although I do wish that because expenses never seem to go away, all I want to do is serve at a place where their mission and vision is kingdom related. It seems that I've been called to the current one I'm at now and so far so good, but I don't think this is the end, I feel like there's something else. I've been to plenty of places where people have less, where people live on less, where people almost have nothing and outer appearance isn't the most important. I'm not sure if I belong there either, but there's always been a tugging in my heart that my home might not be here and it might be elsewhere, since the first day I ever experienced outside soil. It's funny because the more I get exposed to just loving people who have less and giving my life up to share the love of Jesus, I have a different feeling in my heart. I feel eagerness, I feel excitement, I feel yearning and I just don't know when and how and what's going to happen. Will it happen sooner than later? I hope one day it'll be at a place where I can successfully learn the language of the people so that it will be easier to relate and communicate. But I see the lifestyle that some people around me live. I want to do that. I don't so much want to do this. But, I'll do it and I'll learn to like it until then. Until then, God, I thank you for allowing me to live comfortably for this long, I thank you for the family, friends, and the different environments you've allowed me to experience. Thank you for always providing, thank you for your protection, thank you for your guidance and providence.

Food for thought: