Changes

On September 8th, I found one of my hugest surprise of a lifetime and when I found out, I actually had no better words to say but then to say "holy crap".

For a guy, this is probably TMI, but for a girl, this is a normal thing. August was just an exhausting and tiring month. I couldn't wait for the month to be over but at the same time, I wished and hope that the month would be slower because I had so many things I needed to get done and so many things to anticipate. With registration, adjusting to the new church home, thinking about school and internship and wanting to graduate and just balancing the daily duties of life, I wasn't able to handle anymore. Everyday, I came home, tired, exhausted, stressed, didn't have enough energy to even pick up a finger. This caused me to lose a lot of focus on important things just because I didn't have the mental capacity to think properly. So, in August, I missed my monthly and I didn't think too much of it because I attributed it to stress. I normally don't miss and am pretty consistent, but on occasions when I'm too stressed or overwhelmed, there may be occasional times where I skip a couple of weeks. So the whole August, my monthly did not come to visit me. So I was like, man I must be very stressed.

Anyway, in the beginning of September, my monthly didn't come to visit again. So both the other and I thought it was very strange. So he encouraged me to take the testfv to check. For a whole week, we forgot to because we just had so many things going on in life. So after work one day, I finally remembered to pick up. When we got home, I was so tired, I took a nap on the couch and the other went to the gym. After my nap, I woke up and contemplated if I should test or not, but I figured, I should. So I did and the two pink lines happened so fast, I didn't have enough time to think for myself. My first reaction was: "holy crap". 

So, five minutes later, my other stepped into the room, and I didn't even know how to tell him, so I said, "babe, holy crap". lol. So right away, he was like, what?! And he guess right away! He was so excited and so happy. His first sentence was: "What can I do for you? Do you need a back rub? What do you need?"

I had a mix of emotions. I didn't know whether I was happy, sad, or everything in between. My first reaction, though, was -- I still want to graduate and I'm not sure how it's all going to happen but somehow it is. There were just a wide range of things that were going on through my mind.

God always has a funny way of timing things in my life. Everything for me always had to be early, or sooner than I expected. But, for me, God definitely reminds me that my life is not my own and he does what he wants no matter how hard I try to do things my own way. His timing is perfect, he's in charge, and that's just the way it's going to be.

Just two weeks ago, the other and I had a huge argument about me not being ready to have a child. He was saying that he's getting older and he doesn't want to be too old to not be able to run around with the kids. I was throwing attacks back at him and saying things that probably were hurting and offending his feelings. Don't get me wrong, mentally, I didn't mind, but just circumstantially, the idea seemed so far fetched and so difficult to obtain. I didn't see how something like that would've been possible during this season of my life.  But, God does put people and things in place to ease my worry just a little. He tells me, it's okay, just go where he leads. If he wills for this to happen, everything will fall into place.

So after the pregnancy test, we didn't want to tell anyone yet, well, he told his mother because he said his mother had a dream about us having a baby boy a couple of weeks back. So he called his mother right away and the first thing she said was: "Hallelujah~!" (She's been waiting for a grand kid for who knows how long). I told twig also because I just didn't know what to do, what was the first step, what doctor should I go to, gah! I'm so new at all of this. But we didn't tell anyone yet because the test could've been giving us a lie, so we just wanted to be sure.

So, I looked for a bunch of doctors that were affiliated with decent/good hospitals, preferably North Shore just because twig says it's so good. The other helped me secure an appointment and I took the day off work on Friday to go to the female doctor.

The doctors reaction was so funny because it was my first time seeing an OB. At my age and in my current state, she looked at me like I had five heads on my head. How was that possible! But she did a sonogram, and it was real, it was very real. She said, "Yep, there's a baby in there." I was able to hear the heart beat and see it through the screen. It was so surreal it. I could not believe it. That little thing was in my belly and I didn't even know it. 

In a way, I'm sort of glad I didn't know because it would've toll on my already stressful adjustments to the August season. But yep, it's happening. I'm such a newb because people say they don't normally share with anyone until after the first trimester, but I was in so much shock and had to share the news that I shared it with the selected close friends that I always update my life with. This is gonna be an interesting season, and I'm probably going to try to update the whole process just to process my thoughts.

I haven't officially made it public yet... just a few close friends know. I'm doing my rounds and eventually will get to people one by one before it's officially put on blast on social media. So, for those of you who just happen to be following me on blogger, please keep your mouth sealed for now, you're one of the lucky ones to know. :P