Baby is already one week old. Time flies and it feels like he's been alive for a month, or thats what these days been feeling like. Now I understand what it means to lack sleep and be on call 24/7 with feeding and changing diapers. The other and I can't get enough of the baby though, the other can't help but to start bringing him out to places already even though most Asians would frown upon that since mother and child should be home for at least a month without must contact with the outside world.
LOOKS:
So far, most people say baby looks like the other but has dimples like me. Since his eyes still can't focus, he's always in this dazed look. He often grills at people, like he's a little gangster, lol, but it's still really cute to us. He smiles mostly after ever feeding and it's so cute.
FEEDING:
This has been pretty frustrating for me. Initially i wanted to solely breastfeed but it seems like that option is not going the way I want because it seems that baby has a much bigger appetite around 9PM and he fusses a lot when I try to feed him. So the other kept mentioning let's just feed him formula because we had it on hand. It became to the point I hated hearing the word formula and it's been only one week. I read a bunch of articles and forums and opinions about different people's views on feeding. It seems that my best option currently is, since I'm going back to work soon, is to pump most of the time and feed when he wants it.
FIRST DOCTORS APPOINTMENT:
First doctor's appointment was good. Initially the other wasn't a big fan of the pediatrician, not sure why, probably because she's Chinese and probably because the location was in a very ghetto Chinese looking place. But we went and I asked him if it was okay to see this pediatrician a little longer for us to determine if we really like her or not before we switch. I don't mind her, it seems that she's pretty thorough but maybe there are better ones out there. The first doctor's appointment, the baby was exactly 8 lbs, he was at 21 inches, and he seemed to be above average for most things.
I've felt a ton of emotions since this baby was born:
- Frustration - especially in regards to aspects of feeding.
- Sadness/Helpless - when the baby got circumsized and crying in so much pain. I didn't know what else to do so I started crying also. That was the first time we fed him a bottle of formula.
- Tired - Mentally and physically, I feel exhausted and I've been going at most possibly 3 hours of straight sleep, but most of the time less. It seems that after feeding him, and feeding myself and then cleaning a little, there's not enough time to sleep more and the pattern goes on again. I honestly don't know how people work and take care of a new born at the same time, but I guess I'll experience that much sooner than later.
- Joy - It does bring me joy when I see this baby and when he's calm. The other brought him out for most of the day today so I could rest a little but it felt weird, I missed him.
- Responsibility - it's not an emotion, but I definitely feel a different sense of responsibility because there is a life in my hands. I thank God for the other who has been extremely supportive and attached to the baby, I can't imagine how people do it by themselves. Even things like changing diapers is something I would've never thought to be doing, and thankfully, I haven't thrown up from changing a diaper, haha!
BIRTH STORY:
We were told the due date was 4/13, so I planned everything around that date. I ended all my internship clients, I decided not to go to work starting that week hoping that the baby would come out by that date. Everyone was hyping me up by saying how "low" my belly was and the baby was going to come soon. Me, being the not informed person I was, was so excited the baby might actually come on time because everyone was saying so. Bad idea. Since I started maternity leave already, I decided to clean the house, take a walk around the park everyday since the weather was beautiful that week and everything was great, besides one thing: the baby was not born.... I could've finished my internship during those 10 day delay and also be at work. But at the same time, I was glad and grateful for the much needed rest and time to clean, because there was never a time where I had any day to do that.
So, since I've been on maternity leave, I've been walking around the park every day for at least a mile and a half, if not more. I felt no signs of labor, no contractions, no nothing, My cervix was not opened at every weekly check up and I didn't know what to expect. All I was dependent on was prayers to God hoping that the baby would come out soon in God's perfect timing.
On Monday, 4/20, we were scheduled for induction but we called in and cancelled because both of us decided that if the baby wanted to bake a little longer, we were going to let him sit in my belly a little longer.
On Tuesday 4/21, we went to the OB and they monitored the heart rate. The OB said the heart rate was relatively high so they sent me to the hospital immediately to monitor the baby's heart rate there. I went to the OB at 7PM that, went to the hospital around 9PMish, and was monitored until like 11. The resident there did an internal on me and so did the OB at the office and said I was one centimeter and 50% effaced. I guess there was progress there. The heart beat ended up being normal, praise God. Then when I went to the bathroom and got dressed, I saw blood in the toilet and the doctor did say that while he was monitoring, I was having some contractions, although I didn't feel it much.
When I got home, I think it was psychosomatic or something because I started feeling some minor menstrual cramps, but nothing that was painful or bothersome. The night I still had blood and told my doctor and he said it was because I had two internals and there was nothing to worry about.
On Wednesday, 4/22, I went out for a walk in the morning, it was pretty cloudy that day compared to the rest of the days, I went to buy an all-purpose cleaner and walked about a mile and a half before it started to rain hard. I got home just in time before the rain started. I read some "Experiencing God" as that was my leisure read since the start of my maternity leave, enjoyed whatever sun there was. I set out to clean the house more that day, which I did. At night, the other told me to go to the gym with him, and I didn't really want to but I did anyway and decided to walk out this baby. Since I couldn't use the guest past anymore, I even signed up for a gym membership for the first time in my life. Too bad I only used it one time and now I won't even be going for a while, what a waste lol. But at the gym, I walked on the treadmill, walked up the stair master, cycled, did whatever I could as much as I could. When I went to sleep at night, I still felt minor period cramps, it started happening more frequently but it didn't hurt, I was able to sleep the whole night and get a full nights rest.
Oh, in all these different days, I finally was able to get a bunch of errands done. After two years, I finally changed my name officially with the social security administration, with the dmv, and bank account. That was something I would've never made time to do, so I'm glad I was able to do all of that.
On Thursday, 4/23, I went with the other to the day-laborer outreach with another church member. In the morning, I started feeling minor menstrual pain and it was happening in consistent patterns, about ten-fifteen minute cycles. I was still able to sit and walk through them, they were just minor period cramps, nothing I never experienced before. We went to eat pizza right after and did some errands and went grocery shopping for small group at BJs for that night. At night time, the other made steak and mash potatoes for the small group and at night time he insisted on watching a movie with them. It was around 9PMish and I was getting tired and feeling those cramps every ten minutes. I figured, the baby can come any day now so I might as well try to sleep to get some rest just in case. While they were watching the movie, I went to bed but this time, I couldn't fall asleep. The cramps that kept occurring every ten minutes were getting a little more intense and I tried as much as I could to sleep through it. I kept having this urge to go number two and so I got up about 5 times to attempt to use the restroom but nothing came out. It was about 12AM and it was time to send the guys home so I went with the other to send them home and I told him that I was started to feel more pain and it was getting really uncomfortable. He didn't think much of it because we've basically had no progress so we were expecting the worst -- be induced the upcoming Sunday. He was like: "I hope we don't have to go to the hospital tonight, I'm so tired." So I sucked it up because I didn't want to go to the hospital in the middle of the night while I was tired either. Around 1AM, I was sitting on the couch trying to sleep because lying down wasn't working and I really couldn't sleep. I woke the other up and told him I was feeling very uncomfortable and I think I wanted to call the doctor. When I called the doctor, he said, "Are you having contractions?" I responded with, "I don't know, I think so, but they are happening every five minutes or so." He said: "Well, we wouldn't know unless you come in the hospital would we? Come in tonight." So I told the other, and we dragged our feet out of the house, packed a bunch of things just in case we were going to stay at the hospital that night.
We went through admitting and although we did paperwork a couple of days before, they made us complete more paperwork, not sure why. We around to the hospital something like around 2 or 2:30, I already lost track of time by then. Then they wheelchaired me to the triage in which my OB did an internal on me and said that I was five centimeters dilated and 50% effaced. The other and I were pretty shocked because we've been at 0-1 centimeters all these weeks and five seemed like a lot. My cramps were becoming increasingly uncomfortable and though I felt like I was sort of able to handle it, I didn't know how much more pain I would have to go through. So when the doctor asked if I wanted to get the epidural, I looked at the other and he's like just get it, why put yourself through so much pain. In the back of my mind, I was worried how long I was going to stay in the hospital for and how long I would be in labor for. So I looked at him and said fine, I want the epidural. They finally wheel chaired me to the delivery room, and I'm pretty sure it took about an hour or so. My pains were happening more often, about every two minutes and I was really feeling it in my back, something I hadn't felt all pregnancy long. By the time the doctor came in and checked me, he asked if I had an epidural already, and I said no, they hadn't came yet. He says, well, are you sure you still want one? Because you're already 9 centimeters and you can start to push any moment now. If you get the epidural now, you won't feel anything while pushing. He was actually dissuading me from getting the epidural, which I was a little shocked about. But since he was, I said, you know what, I wanted all natural anyway and I won't get the epidural then, there's no point. We waited for about another 30-6o minutes or so, and then the doctor told me to do some practice pushes, pretend as if I was going to use the bathroom and take a huge number two. I kept practicing and it took about 30-40 minutes of pushing. The other was supportive the entire time although he was way exhausted. He held my legs and commented on the whole process to make sure I was in the loop. Shockingly, I didn't scream or anything, my mind was just focused on pooping so I could get that baby out in between contractions. At 4:56AM, the baby's head, as the other said, came out like it was a 'Jack in the Box". I don't remember the head coming out of me because I was so busy pushing, but it was definitely a surreal moment.
He's a little over two weeks old now and I have not had the time to update, but the above was the gist of everything.
