6 months

Baby is already six months old today and my how time flies. Today he went to his 6 month check up and he's already 19.5 pounds. He's grown so much and every single moment with him is precious.

This past month, he has:

• Not only grown his bottom two teeth but his top two teeth has rooted.
• He fell off the bed for the first time because he happened to squirm himself over to the other side of the bed while daddy fell asleep.
• He got sick for the second time but still happy
• He hates when we try to wipe his nose.
• He loves jumping in the jumparoo.
• He smiles and laughs so much now.
• He's truly a happy baby.
• He still doesn't sleep through the night.
• He still drinks only about 3-4 ounces per sitting.
• He can stand on his own while holding something.
• He can squirm and try to do an army crawl, but it'll get him where he wants to be.
• He can grab onto things
• He looks at his hands still with so much amazement.
• He can just about sit up straight but still has his moments of tipping over.
• His skin is still very dry so we have to constantly apply lotion.
• He babbles all the time.
• He enjoys watching people play the guitar.
• The pacifier helps him to fall asleep.
• He seems to like the taste of his boogers so he constantly sticks his tongue upward of his lips and sucks on it.
• He always likes being upright, he can't stand laying down or being cradled.
• He takes much appreciation at the cross we have hung up in our room.
• When we are eating dinner, he can't get his eyes off the food.
• He grabs everything off the table.
• The car seat is still not his best friend.
• He sleeps typically at 9:00-9:30PM and wakes up 7:00-7:30AM.
• He still constantly scratches his head when he gets tired.
• He can't stay outdoors for too long, he likes to be at home.
• He can now reach over if he wants someone else to carry him.
• He's getting harder to carry because he's always twisting around trying to explore the environment.
• He puts everything in his mouth.

I thank God for this precious little one every single day.

Fear

This week, I realize I have SO MUCH fear.

I fear confrontation.
I fear letting people down.
I'm such a people please for no reason.

This whole week:
My stomach kept turning.
My heart is anxious.
My head is heavy.
I haven't been sleeping well.

ALL because I want to talk to my boss.
The nicest boss in the world.

I've spent all week delaying and waiting and waiting.
It's causing me so much anxiety and stress.
It's so irrational.
Why do I do this to myself?
UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Gospel

Sad to say, but it's been a long time I've shared the gospel with a seeker or a nonbeliever. This past month, we had a new youth group member with absolutely no background in the faith and she's been seeking. She likes the Christian environment and was introduced to it by her uncle when she visited Texas. She wanted to find something like that around her home and her friend recently invited her to youth group.

So she's been here for almost a month and I've been guilty of not following up with her and sharing with her the gospel. Really guilty. I think about it all the time but personal issues in my life just led me to be all over the place with my own. As I'm slowly developing a relationship with her, I found out that we live right by each other and she leaves for the bus at 7:20AM. That's only 15 minutes earlier than I normally take the bus. So this morning, I decided to wake up a little earlier and meet her at the bus stop.

Thankfully, I got the opportunity to answer some of her questions, explain to her who we are, share with her the gospel and share with her how to pray. As I was sharing with her, it was pretty refreshing to share the gospel with someone who has no background in it. She was eager to seek, eager to understand and asked for a Bible which I'll be giving her tonight. As a Christian, I have dropped the ball on sharing the gospel with those around me and today encouraged me and gave me hope and reminded me of why I do what I do again. Thankful.

Commuting

Everyday, I get more and more angry thinking about commute. It's close to 2 hours door to door for a one way trip. It's just so pathetic to be commuting four hours everyday. That means I spent ⅓ of my day sitting in a train/bus. That's more time spent on a bus then with my baby. That's more time I could be using elsewhere. It just drives me up the wall.

I don't know why I have so much allegiance to my job. I guess one reason is because I don't really like change. Another reason is because I do enjoy the environment I work in although I am not fond of the nature of my job and what I do. But I do enjoy doing my work and being given the capability of doing it in excellence. And I've only been doing this for the past three months ever since I moved in with my in laws. Prior to - the one hour fifteen minute commute was doable and I didn't get angry every day over it. 

This makes me want to quit my job so bad because I'm so tired of sitting in mass transit so many hours of my day. But then it defeats the purpose of moving into our in laws. But not really because they help so much wth with everything, literally. 

I can't seem myself doing this for much longer. I feel like it's causing a lot of unnecessary tension between me and the rest of the world because of my stress of sitting in mass transportation all day. It's taking a toll on some of my relationships because of the attitude I carry. My outlook becomes increasingly negative. But if I were to switch, I don't want just any job. I don't want to just settle for just anything. I don't care so much about the money, I just care to be fulfilling the purpose and utilizing my passions, gifts and talents in which Christ has given me. Essentially I can be doing that anywhere but I want some place where I don't treat it like a job but enjoy going to work every single day. 

I'm feeling a little desperate and just screaming inside. 

Thank You Note

I walked into the office this morning and dreading another long day at work because we've been working late hours which means that I get home later because train/buses are slower. I open an email and the first email I received was an encouraging note from a student. Subject title was: "Thank you for being a great financial advisor".

"I don't know how many students tell you that you are such a kind and helpful advisor so I wanted to express that to you. From my first semester at Nyack you have been so caring and have guided me through my questions and concerns. God bless you so much for being a light. I definitely see God's love through you. I know you have a lot to deal with and I pray that God gives you abundant strength and resilience. Thank you for helping me yesterday. I was in a rush to pick up my younger sister who was sorta lost in a train station. Praise God everything is ok And I was able to meet up with her. I'm sorry if I wasn't too smiley or kind yesterday. I felt bad that I couldn't even congratulate you on being back and having your baby. Thank you for understanding my situation and being there. God bless you so much Joan and thank you for all that you are and do. I'm sure our Lord sees your effort and will reward you as He sees fit."

 

There are not many rewards or appreciation days with the specific department I work with simply because we deal with peoples money and finances and so it's most students least favorite department to work with. Most days, I deal with students who are typically huffing and puffing and upset about something regarding finances. My job is to make their financial aid process go as smooth as possible and make their experience with the us as staff. It makes me glad that there are the handful of students that appreciate what we do. We don't expect appreciation from our students but when we get a little, it does make our day.