Communication.

As I help him in the late hours of the evening all the time, I often get frustrated and very angry when what I perceive are negative comments are thrown at me though he means it for good. "You don't know how to read this?... Oh my gah, tsk tsk you really need to go learn, you should've just went to Taiwan for a year." or "Oh my gah, you really need to improve your English, read more and observe how others write it, your already 23, your not a kid anymore, you need to know stuff." or as we're looking through an informative website: "Your 23, you don't know what these means, what did they teach you in school? Oh my gah, go read and research more about it" (And that's for a million things). I sit there and help him out of love and care, and I'm sure he sits there and asks for my help so that we can build more relationship but I wish he could better communicate with me and not put me down with his tone of voice. Of course all the things are right and good and with great intentions, but I'm only one person, and I'm trying to balance his tasks and duties along with mine, and everything ends up just becoming a mess and I become a mess. When I reaason with him or have had enough of him, I communicate with a very negative tone and then he goes, "If you're like this in the future, no one will want to hire you, and you will fight a lot in your future relationships." What? I only give this bad response after sitting with him for eight hours and being unintentionally put down. I try so hard to look at his positive sides, but it really gets to me at the end of the day and my self esteem just getes shot down lower.

A couple of weeks ago, Pastor observed this about his children. When the mother rebukes the children, the children will take it in, forget about it later, and love the mom like normal in a couple of hours. When the father rebukes the children, the hold the feeling in and all of a sudden their feeling of self-worth decreases. It seems as if fathers words always lay heavier on a child. Pastor put it into great words, that's the exact feeling I feel. I give respect to him, with all the wisdom, knowledge, love he tries to give, the good intentions behind his talks, but when it comes to a talk from him, I feel more self-worth decreasing.

I wish humans knew how to better communicate with each other. If we both worded things better, none of this would have to happen. I don't blame him, it's who he is and he's trying to be a good father, habits are hard to break, but it just hurts and bothers me a lot. God, help me to try to continue to take the good, and look past the negatives.