Yesterday in church was another typical day, well not that typical. It felt a
little bit different. One of the JDSNs attitude a little bit different, he
didn’t seem to feel as hopeless as he did the past couple of weeks due to his
discouragement. Even myself, although I didn’t act any different than I
normally do in church, I felt a little different as well, possibly a little
sense of hope. Don’t really know where it came from, but that feeling was as
small as a mustard seed. Anyway, I continued to go about my day and during
lunch day, three of us older kids were sitting around this 14-year-old girl.
The past three weeks, she’s been acting a lot more isolated than usual. She
gave off the sense that she really didn’t want to be there and she couldn’t
wait to buy a car when she’s 16 so she could just leave after church and never
come back. Last week, she asked one of the JDSNs during lunch-time if he really
believed in God. Not sure if it was out of curiosity or anger or whatever it
was, but you could tell it broke his heart so he went to the other so that they
could immediately pray for them. I was just somewhere around the area observing
what was going on. This week, we had a
conversation with this girl and as the two JDSNs tried to encourage this girl
by giving her life talks, she just sat there rolling her eyes. Here’s some of
what she said:
“My life is good, but I want it to be amazing.”
(She said it in such a way she looked like she was about to tear.)
“I just want to be able to fill that empty void that’s there.”
(Whenever it was the mention of God from the two JDSNs, she’s rolls her eyes and would say, “Not everything is about God!!” in an angry tone; she said it in such a way that she was getting very furious that we’re not understanding where she’s coming from. All of us started laughing because we’ve all been her shoes before.)
“What is the purpose of living? I want to know now!”
(When we mentioned “God”, she would roll her eyes. When we told her it was going to be a long process that everyone goes through, she would say… “Well, then I might as well just die now. I want to know now.”)
So all of what she says is very normal for a girl her age who is starting to develop an identity of her, apart from her parents, environment and community. But, what really stuck out to me was when she looked at my other straight in the eye and said:
Girl: “It’s all your fault!”
Other: “Who? Me? Why?”
Girl: “Because of all your stupid sermons! Every week you’re so specific, and you’re directing it only at me! I feel like you’re looking at me and talking at me every week! This week, I purposely looked down to the floor so I won’t have to look up to see you directing your sermons at me!”
All of us, in amusement, started cracking up and started telling her that no one was directing anything at her. The other even mentioned that she’s the last person that’s on her mind because she’s forced to go to church, he’s praying and always hoping to direct his sermons to those that a hard to reach, someone like the pastor’s son who has a choice of whether he wants to go to church or not.
I just thought it was hilarious, because as much as I was so discouraged to think that this church is not getting anywhere, God is working. God is using the other to talk to this little 14-year-old girl. Every week when I listen to the other’s sermons, I listen and I always say, “oh, it was a good sermon” or “oh, it could’ve been better”, and almost forgot that yes, God does speak through people he’s called to preach the Word. This girl is being impacted. This girl feels like David is talking directly at her situation but it’s really God using him to speak into her life, and she’s getting angry because she’s actually listening. So amusing!
The whole conversation ended when we had to go our English Service and passing her by, I said, “You can join us if you’d like.” Then she rolls her eye again and says, “Ugh, no, I can’t listen to two sermons in one day.”
Every one soul counts.
I remember those days when I was sitting during service and I felt like God would be speaking through me in the pastor’s sermons. They were so specific and so direct as if the pastor was talking right at me. I used to feel: “Wow, God’s speaking to me, I’m so blessed!” I don’t think this girl understands how blessed she is, hopefully she will sooner than later.
This is the first time in the past 8 months that I feel even a tiny little drop of hope for this church.
“My life is good, but I want it to be amazing.”
(She said it in such a way she looked like she was about to tear.)
“I just want to be able to fill that empty void that’s there.”
(Whenever it was the mention of God from the two JDSNs, she’s rolls her eyes and would say, “Not everything is about God!!” in an angry tone; she said it in such a way that she was getting very furious that we’re not understanding where she’s coming from. All of us started laughing because we’ve all been her shoes before.)
“What is the purpose of living? I want to know now!”
(When we mentioned “God”, she would roll her eyes. When we told her it was going to be a long process that everyone goes through, she would say… “Well, then I might as well just die now. I want to know now.”)
So all of what she says is very normal for a girl her age who is starting to develop an identity of her, apart from her parents, environment and community. But, what really stuck out to me was when she looked at my other straight in the eye and said:
Girl: “It’s all your fault!”
Other: “Who? Me? Why?”
Girl: “Because of all your stupid sermons! Every week you’re so specific, and you’re directing it only at me! I feel like you’re looking at me and talking at me every week! This week, I purposely looked down to the floor so I won’t have to look up to see you directing your sermons at me!”
All of us, in amusement, started cracking up and started telling her that no one was directing anything at her. The other even mentioned that she’s the last person that’s on her mind because she’s forced to go to church, he’s praying and always hoping to direct his sermons to those that a hard to reach, someone like the pastor’s son who has a choice of whether he wants to go to church or not.
I just thought it was hilarious, because as much as I was so discouraged to think that this church is not getting anywhere, God is working. God is using the other to talk to this little 14-year-old girl. Every week when I listen to the other’s sermons, I listen and I always say, “oh, it was a good sermon” or “oh, it could’ve been better”, and almost forgot that yes, God does speak through people he’s called to preach the Word. This girl is being impacted. This girl feels like David is talking directly at her situation but it’s really God using him to speak into her life, and she’s getting angry because she’s actually listening. So amusing!
The whole conversation ended when we had to go our English Service and passing her by, I said, “You can join us if you’d like.” Then she rolls her eye again and says, “Ugh, no, I can’t listen to two sermons in one day.”
Every one soul counts.
I remember those days when I was sitting during service and I felt like God would be speaking through me in the pastor’s sermons. They were so specific and so direct as if the pastor was talking right at me. I used to feel: “Wow, God’s speaking to me, I’m so blessed!” I don’t think this girl understands how blessed she is, hopefully she will sooner than later.
This is the first time in the past 8 months that I feel even a tiny little drop of hope for this church.
Joan, there is hope for every single soul in the name of Jesus. I just see such a different side from you with this church, but I pray that you keep up the hope and faith that God will move in the church that you're serving now because He has a purpose for you and if that's where he has called you and David then you do your best and speak to these kids lives. We are called to be obedient and sometimes the places we feel like we shouldn't be at time turns out to be the most beautiful thing. I remember there was tons of times, I sat at emc and thinking why am I here and I felt lost..like there was no point and I remember you would get mad at me for what I would say and well God brought me to EMC for a reason, and at times it was so tough as it is tough for you now..and so many times you know I said that I was going to leave, but I didnt because I wasn't called to leave yet. I had to stand and be obedient and until God gave me the okay to leave and finally stay at the church where I am today, that's when I did. Felt like so many years, I was doing things I didn't want to and I found it pointless, like "God, why am I still here?" but it was because there was still hope there, there were more lives to be touched, and God was not done with me yet at emc at the moment. So, stay strong and know you are impacting this girl, and don't give up..it might be slow, but God is definitely working in her heart!=) btw, I saw our father the other day at skyfoods...not sure if he told you, but yea..was good seeing him.......I'm not sure if he mistaken me for someone else tho haahha >.< anyways, hope you're doing well!
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