There's Gotta Be More

Written two Wednesdays ago. 

I'm already near the end of my graduate degree, and for some reason, although I love what I'm learning, I still don't feel like this is it; this is not the end and this is not enough. The major I'm choosing is such a great field, it does truly help people, but for some reason, I can't see myself sitting in closed settings and listen to people talk day after day and work through their issues with them. 

It's not that I don't like it, I've gained so much experience doing it the past couple of months and it's so intriguing and I get so challenged and excited when I'm dealing with a case that I'm not used to because it forces me to learn more and to go out of my way to figure out how to help people. It's almost like putting a puzzle together or something, but counseling is like helping a person piece things together through an outside perspective. I mean these are real people seeking help with real peoples problems and they are entrusting someone like me to help them or guide them or support them in some way shape or form! What an honor it is to do such a thing. BUT, I want to do more. I don't want to just be contained to this. But I don't know how to get there or what it's going to take for me to get there and now I'm just getting antsy because the process takes long to figure out. 

Today, we watched two videos: one about Nick Vujicics life and another about Joni Eareckson Tadas life and how they were able use their disability for good. Nick Vujicic mentioned that his purpose was to be a speaker, he wanted to be a speaker so bad and impact people through this limitations. What a great way to live life! I was particularly inspired by Joni, I think it's because in the video, she was living amongst the people, and walking with them side by side on a daily basis. She had a disability as well where she couldn't move anything from shoulder down, and there was a point in the video she was so proud of seeing a guy who never walked stand up for the first time and walk with a walker. She was so excited for him and I was imagining myself in her place, I wanted to give this person a hug so bad! Unfortunately, Joni couldn't do that because she didn't have the capability to.

I think about it all the time. I have hands, I have feet, I'm perfectly healthy and I can do so much! So what am I doing?! Well I'm currently doing so much now too but I don't feel like that's the "so much" I want to be doing. All I can do now is be faithful with the things God has entrusted me in and when the time comes, God will entrust me with the things I actually want to do and I can't wait to be faithful to that as well. 

I know that God has called me to this place during this season of my life and he's preparing me for something more, I just don't know what it is. But I do know that having a degree and such experience can set me up for something different and possibly draw me close to something that I'm called to do. Maybe it'll direct me to the right people. But this process is definitely a training period, a time to be built up, and I just have to be patient and walk by faith. 

This summer, I have to find another internship. During my internship here, though it was not the most professional setting I wanted to be in, it was convenient and God made a way for me to be here, I always seem to have favor from God and I'm very very thankful for that. Through this process, I was and still am forced to learn independently and figure things out almost on my own. I am learning what to do and what not to do and I had the privilege of counseling and being an integral part of so many peoples lives. But, after all is said and done, I can't see myself doing this for years to come. I hope the next internship that God opens the door for me for, I can be just one step closer to my passions and hearts desires.