Speaking Up in Class

During class tonight, the professor was talking about Nick Vujicic so right away I showed my two classmates the selfie I took with him in the distance when I bumped into him while window shopping in NYC. So one classmate looked at me and goes, tell the professor! Share that, that's such cool news! And I refused because, well, I didn't think it's an interesting enough topic to share for the entire class to hear, just close friends. So the professor goes, does anyone have any comments or anything to share? And the classmate goes, Joan does! She met Nick Vujicic! Just before the class, we were talking about how I'm 51% extrovert and 49% introvert. So she looked at me and goes: but you're an extrovert! How come you just don't share! And it ended there.

But what I find interesting is that during that small interaction between the classmate and I, I realized that she really really wanted me to share that, and I really really thought it was just unnecessary to share. 

So of course, it became a part of our conversation during our commute. For me, it wasn't about me being an extrovert or not, it's more so because I felt like the topic at hand would add no value to the class and therefore it's not necessary to waste two minutes of the class to mention such topic. For her, it was more of, you should participate more in class, people want to hear your input, class is so much more exciting when people are interacting and engaging I'm conversations in class. In so many instances, I agree! 

That leads me to the group dynamics class I took a couple of semesters ago. The professor says (in group therapy lingo) that I am a "freeloader". I act itself engage in the conversation but I don't talk. I'm just absorbing all the information and not giving verbal feedback. I remember when I first learned of that word, I was like wow! I finally found a word to identify me! 

So since I was young, I was never the type I actively participate in class though I may have fully engaged. Part of the reasons is because I felt a lot of the input people bring into the classroom setting are boring, they are a waste of time and many people participate just to get participation points. Of course, when people actually share something of value, I totally appreciate it. So since then; I just don't talk much and I just listen. That might be an Asian characteristic or that may just be me, who knows. But there are times when I really wanted to share something I thought was so interesting but I would think twice about sharing because I didn't want to be one of the people that wasted precious class time on nonsense. So I don't know if it's a self esteem issue or not, but just something I thought was interesting to keep record of.

So at the end of our conversation, she goes, Joan you should participate more, that's a challenge! And my stop arrived and so I said okay! And we departed. 

I'm the Asian community, I feel like I'm always participating, and that's because there aren't a lot of people who do, so I will. But in settings where there are people to uphold a conversation, I tend to keep my mouth shut. So for me, I realize I give input in a group setting when it's needed and no one else doing it. I'm not used to doing it in a diverse setting because then there'd just be too many people talking. 

Just wanted to verbalize my thoughts for the night. :)