Internship

I've almost officially completed my first year of internship. As long as that sounded, it went by faster than I thought. Although I have not completed even 50% of my hours, I'm not too worried. Earlier in the semester, I found out my supervisor was leaving after the semester ends. I was pretty disappointed because I didn't know that I had to find another internship and not continue at the current place I'm at. It didn't seem like he cared much at the time because he was probably going through his own personal issues, but he just said it's probably best for me to find another internship to gain another experience and this site doesn't know if they can secure interns yet.

Last week, I bumped into the dean/pastor on the elevator. He turned over to me and said:
Pastor: "Hey are you graduating this semester?"
Me: "No, unfortunately not, I'm in the decelerated program"
Pastor: "Oh, what's that?"
Me: "It's when we intern for less hours a week and complete our internship experience in two years rather than one."
Pastor: "Oh. Say, do you happen to be interested in continuing your internship with us next semester?"
Me: "Sure, but I was under the impression that I should look for another one but if I had the opportunity to continue my internship here, I'd love to! Have you secured a new counselor yet?"
Pastor: "We've been interviewing and I think I should have a decision by this week."
Me: "Oh wow, that sounds great. Can you let me know?"
Pastor: "Definitely."

So we parted ways and initially, I gave up hope about continuing my internship experience here although that's what I wanted to do. I was actually looking forward to find another internship to gain a different experience, possibly a more clinical one. I started putting together my resume and such, but week after week, I just didn't feel ready to send out my resume, because I didn't give my resume and cover letter enough time and attention. I only sent it to one person, like four weeks later, and he told me he'd get back to me because they are seeing if his site is willing to hire interns for the year.

Well, he still hasn't gotten back to me but I wasn't too worried. And then the pastor/dean situation happened. I started thinking about all these thoughts.. like since I'm going to have a new counselor, she will be coming in with new experience, so it would be so awesome to stay. Then I'd be able to continue with my current clients and actually hone my skills. After this year, I finally feel like I'm getting more comfortable and adjusted, and it would be a shame to leave so soon.

I spoke to my current supervisor and asked him his thoughts. He actually said it would be a good idea. He put a good word in for me. And a day later, I emailed pastor/dean to follow up with him. With quick response, he said "YES!". That actually made my day.

This week, I was also ending my sessions for the semester with many of my students. As much as it's frustrating/hard to counsel sometimes because it's so hard to see progress, I heard some feedback from a couple of students and I'm glad that God used me to make an impact in their lives.

Lent Season

This was the first year in which I didn't really give up anything for lent, but instead, I stumbled upon a devotional that my friend posted to church group on Facebook. I quickly looked through it and I felt that it would be a great book just to be intentional about my relationship with God. So, diligently I read through the 40 days, the devotional was so well written it was hard for me to take my hands off it, but at the same time, it was probably God too.

I didn't expect much from the forty days but I shared it with a couple of friends here and there because I was excited about it and was just hopeful to see how God would bring me along in this lent season process. Before lent started, I felt stressed, anxious, weak, tired, hopeless. I wanted to be renewed, revived, strengthened, encouraged, and inspired once again. And I knew that I was only going to be able to do that by keeping my eyes on Jesus.

Lent consists a total of 6 weeks.
Week one: I read the devotional on a daily basis to myself.
Week two: The other started saying that we should start worshipping together.
Week three: I was happy to be able to read devotionals with him and singing songs together with him.
Week four: We have small groups with church folks on Saturday night and we used the devotional as the study material. It was the first time in a while where some people, me included, were opening up and talking about some deeper issues. I also started getting noticeably antsy/frustrated at seeing the status of the church and so I sort of strongly questioned some people directly. The other said I may have come off too strong and it could've been offensive that he has to apologize for me. The other also noticed that I had a very strong personality for the first time in a ministry setting... and he wondered how that would work with two strong people. Internally, I felt like I was dying because of my perspective of my church and not being able to branch out the way I used to be able to in ministry.
Week five: As each week passes, reading the devotional really helped me to focus on Christ's death on the cross. I was able to reflect on how he suffered, every step he took leading to being crucified on the cross. By the time Good Friday approached, meditating on Christ for the past month or so has just been a humbling experience. I also had to continue to remind myself that I needed a perspective change and only God was able to do that in me.
Week six: Easter Sunday! Good Friday was good, I had the day off work, so I was able to spend that time with God as well as tidying up the home. The other, Jer and I were able to break fast together and go to church immediately after for a short skit service. It was my first time experiencing it that way. The lights were all off in the sanctuary and every other person was holding a candle for light. All the KM members had certain parts and they enacted the Jesus story by reading off a paper and everyone had their own parts in the dark. Although I didn't understand a word, the thought and meaning behind such tradition and ritual was quite profound. Saturday was good, we painted eggs with the kids and had small group after.. although SG was a little wack.. it seems that nobody really cares for their faith, but why should I expect so much. The Sunday came and for some reason... both the other and I.. our spirits were down and all of a sudden, it didn't feel like Jesus rose again when we stepped into the church. I don't remember the whole day clearly, but I don't remember feeling like celebrating like I did while I was reading through and going through the whole devotional this past month.

I'm going to do this devotional again next year, possibly even make it a tradition until I find another devotional that's just as good. God is good. There's so many things we still don't understand, there's so many things we're still questioning, it just feels like our faith Is being tested over and over again and we just keep failing because our hearts are not right. God we neeeeeeeeed you.

One Year

Today marks my one year of working at my first full time job. Prior to that, I've always been working a lot of hours, but always part time. Time flies... pretty quickly. Do I see myself working here forever? No. I feel like I've been working here forever already because prior to this, I was just working in the same building but different department. I've dedicated about almost three years to this community already and it's been a great experience overall. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've had here. There are times I want to move on because I feel like this is not it, I want to do something more, something that drives me, but for some reason, I don't feel like it's the time to move on just yet. Within the past year, I've had the opportunity to work in different departments: the admissions office, the financial aid office, as a counseling intern and as a student here. Sometimes I see myself being in academia, but other times, I feel like I want to do more.