Lent Season

This was the first year in which I didn't really give up anything for lent, but instead, I stumbled upon a devotional that my friend posted to church group on Facebook. I quickly looked through it and I felt that it would be a great book just to be intentional about my relationship with God. So, diligently I read through the 40 days, the devotional was so well written it was hard for me to take my hands off it, but at the same time, it was probably God too.

I didn't expect much from the forty days but I shared it with a couple of friends here and there because I was excited about it and was just hopeful to see how God would bring me along in this lent season process. Before lent started, I felt stressed, anxious, weak, tired, hopeless. I wanted to be renewed, revived, strengthened, encouraged, and inspired once again. And I knew that I was only going to be able to do that by keeping my eyes on Jesus.

Lent consists a total of 6 weeks.
Week one: I read the devotional on a daily basis to myself.
Week two: The other started saying that we should start worshipping together.
Week three: I was happy to be able to read devotionals with him and singing songs together with him.
Week four: We have small groups with church folks on Saturday night and we used the devotional as the study material. It was the first time in a while where some people, me included, were opening up and talking about some deeper issues. I also started getting noticeably antsy/frustrated at seeing the status of the church and so I sort of strongly questioned some people directly. The other said I may have come off too strong and it could've been offensive that he has to apologize for me. The other also noticed that I had a very strong personality for the first time in a ministry setting... and he wondered how that would work with two strong people. Internally, I felt like I was dying because of my perspective of my church and not being able to branch out the way I used to be able to in ministry.
Week five: As each week passes, reading the devotional really helped me to focus on Christ's death on the cross. I was able to reflect on how he suffered, every step he took leading to being crucified on the cross. By the time Good Friday approached, meditating on Christ for the past month or so has just been a humbling experience. I also had to continue to remind myself that I needed a perspective change and only God was able to do that in me.
Week six: Easter Sunday! Good Friday was good, I had the day off work, so I was able to spend that time with God as well as tidying up the home. The other, Jer and I were able to break fast together and go to church immediately after for a short skit service. It was my first time experiencing it that way. The lights were all off in the sanctuary and every other person was holding a candle for light. All the KM members had certain parts and they enacted the Jesus story by reading off a paper and everyone had their own parts in the dark. Although I didn't understand a word, the thought and meaning behind such tradition and ritual was quite profound. Saturday was good, we painted eggs with the kids and had small group after.. although SG was a little wack.. it seems that nobody really cares for their faith, but why should I expect so much. The Sunday came and for some reason... both the other and I.. our spirits were down and all of a sudden, it didn't feel like Jesus rose again when we stepped into the church. I don't remember the whole day clearly, but I don't remember feeling like celebrating like I did while I was reading through and going through the whole devotional this past month.

I'm going to do this devotional again next year, possibly even make it a tradition until I find another devotional that's just as good. God is good. There's so many things we still don't understand, there's so many things we're still questioning, it just feels like our faith Is being tested over and over again and we just keep failing because our hearts are not right. God we neeeeeeeeed you.