Prayer

J. Hudson Taylor, great missionary to China, said "It is possible to work without praying. It is a bad plan, but it can be done. But you cannot pray without working."

Every week, I've been giving a message to the youth, and for me, it doesn't come natural and just preparing and coming up with a message with my limited mindset is pretty difficult. I was always a small group type of person and not so much of a person who speaks in front of an audience/congregation. Because of my overwhelming schedule and just coming home to mental exhaustion every end of the day, it's been very hard for me to pray. I want to pray everyday, I want to read the Word, but it's been harder and harder because of just the overwhelming feeling. In the season, I know that it's even more important to pray and everyday it's just a battle.

I normally go to church every Saturdays to prepare. Last week, I decided instead of just sitting in the office all day and thinking of how to prepare (because it always takes a whole day), I decided to walk around the park, put on my earphones and spend some time with God in prayer. At this point, I felt so desperate because I'm running on empty and it's not fair for the kids just to get the left overs of me and not the Spirit-filled me. I spent an hour just walking around in solitude and just talking to God.

After that conversation with God, it's interesting what happened during the week. All of a sudden some more honest conversations came out of some discussions that happened throughout the week. It seems that there are things that have to be dealt with but God is just continuously reminding me to go to him and seek for guidance and advice because I know that on my own strength, I will mess things up real quick. I've been working without praying for a while, but I need to do both, urgent.