Going Back Full Time

It's a very bitter sweet feeling. For now, it feels a little bitter. I'll be officially going back to work full time this Friday (aside from the fact that I just emailed my boss and asked for a couple days off in the middle of August although I felt extremely bad doing so because it's going to be a crazy month and we're really not allowed to ask for time off.) The past three months have been pretty nice not having to trek it all the way to manhattan every single day, spending most of my time on NYC subways and buses. It's been nice that I could stay home everyday and do things on my own time aside from the fact that its really on baby's time. It's been nice that I've been able to spend time with the other and just see what he does on a daily basis and how he goes about life. It's been nice that both the other and me have been able to spend time with the baby together and also do ministry together. It's been nice that I haven't had to stare at the computer screen for hours at a time calculating numbers and being nice to students. It's been nice that if we have to go somewhere, we were able to just go without being bound to a 10-6 schedule. It's been nice to spend most of my waking hours with baby during his first couple of months of life.

Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy my job in the sense that I'm part of a bigger vision and purpose. I really do love my organization's jobs and values, I love what they aim to do and I do want to be part of their mission. That's what attracted me to study there in the first place. I don't necessarily love what I do, but I do enjoy learning from my boss and the way he leads his team. I love that my coworkers are able to get along so well and we really do make a great team. I have my own desk (which is something I don't have at home -- I just do my work on the bed, the couch, wherever there is to sit). And I am able to complete my work on my own time without other people hovering over me. I feel trusted at work and I am competent at what I do. I've only been there for two years and being employee of the year this year, I'd feel horrible just to leave right away.

I haven't officially experienced what it feels to be a mother who works full time. I mean, I work at church but I'm still able to bring baby around whenever I want to and no one would care. (Speaking of which, we haven't been bringing him around on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and although we miss him to death, we are a lot more productive in the office when he's not around). I know there are pros and cons to both sides of it, either being a working mom or a SAHM, but I don't know why, possibly because I've been busy just about my entire life, for once, I just want to be be at home and be there with my family. Others have said to consider finding a closer job, quitting, etc, but for some reason I'm not 100% ready to leave.

On a side note, I moved back in with my in-laws close to three weeks ago. The pros outweighed the cons so I did it. Overall, I'm grateful for the extra pairs of hands to help.

3 months

The last time I posted was when he was three weeks, now he's three months. Time flies and still haven't been able to fully adjust to real life. Baby boy is growing up quickly. From then till now: 

- He's able to acknowledge that he has hands now.

- He does tummy time and raise his head high without a problem.

- He is a morning person it seems and he loves to smile and interact during that time. 

- He has already moved once in his life - he's adjusting pretty well with the in laws. 

- He still scratches his face and rubs it a lot :(

- I've experienced explosive poop, it's not pretty. 

- He has traveled to California.

- He was able to follow toys during the time daddy was in New Mexico. 

- He has experienced separation anxiety when daddy was in New Mexico. 

- Grateful to God that even when other and I got sick, he didn't get sick at all. 

- He has been sleeping throughout the night but still wakes up about three times for feedings.

Everyone says their baby is the cutest and I must say mine is also. I have a such a hard time seeing myself go back to work full time in another week. Not looking forward to it at all. Sucks to have to leave him for a full day but I have appreciated every moment with him for his first three months of life. 

I just lost my appetite.

I have to keep this for memory sake. I was eating my breakfast that MIL made and towards the end, I notice something that did but didn't quite look like a cucumber. I saw a black head and that's not what I normally see on cucumbers. I looked a little closer and it seems to look like a little caterpillar to me. MIL mentioned she picked leaves from the garden....

Just lost my appetite. The other started laughing at me because things like this always happen to me lol.

3 Weeks Postpartum

Baby is 3 weeks and four days today. Time flies and he's almost a month old. Time flies. He's been fussing a lot more in the middle might, eats a lot more at night and sleeps a lot less. Hopefully in a month or two we can start sleep training him so that we don't constantly have to stay up all night. 

3 weeks postpartum was pretty hard. I think my body gave in after all the events I've been attending - specifically hooding, graduation and the staff luncheon. I'm still really glad I went but I know the toll it took on my body and my body definitely did not respond well. For a couple days I had muscle tension headaches, neck pains and it wouldn't go away and it was so difficult to hold the baby. Then my boobs were hurting and I was frustrated that I still couldn't get the hang of all this in three weeks time. I was pumping and why was I still feeling hard spots? While everyone was complaining how hot t was or how perfect whether it was, I would be in bed feeling cold, feeling chills and the. After a nap I would wake up drenched in sweat only to do it all over again. For two days, I was basically in bed all day besides pumping time which was every 3-4 hours. Sleeping a lot help and I was very grateful for the other and his parents and my brother to help assist when I needed the most. Slowly, I felt like regular body temperature although I still sweat in my sleep, my neck pain was slowly going away thanks to massage from the other and brother, and I thought the sharp shooting pains in my head would never go away but after sleeping two days, it did. 

I must say postpartum is pretty hard. Everyone told me how hard pregnancy was and labor and delivery but I didn't expect all the women changes/hormones/emotions and pains  that women have to go through postpartum in addition to taking care of the baby. It's so hard. I have such a long way to go, still figuring out how to adjust to... Life. Baby is growing heavier right before my eyes, can't imagine how this next week will be. 

2 Weeks Old

Time feels so short but it also flies by so quickly. He's only two weeks old and thus far, we've brought him to church, the hooding ceremony, commencement, and doctors appointment. People call us crazy for bringing the baby out, and in a sense, I do feel pretty crazy that I'm bringing him out within the month because I'm not even fully healed yet and going out just means more boob pain for me because I don't have a constant place to pump and more attention to others and less sleep for me. Tonight, I started feeling a migraine and I just felt so exhausted. Definitely need to figure out how to practice self-care. I also feel mommy brain kicking in because the other asked me to do a couple things and follow up with some people from church about some things, and it totally flew over my head. I felt so bad because he's taking up a lot of my slack but I'm stressing him out because all eyes are basically on him. I hope to be able to adjust to working from home and honoring my job as a staff at church as well. I'm not sure how people do it but I haven't adjusted yet.

Everyday I look at the baby and he looks different everyday. He has different facial expressions, his sleep faces are different, his awake faces are different, it's pretty amusing and entertaining. During the second week, the other and I got the hang of changing his diapers on our own, where as the first week we needed two people to clean him up. Baby has had an extremely big appetite and so it seems to catch up with pumping milk for him so we have been supplementing with formula when necessary. Many times, he drinks so fast that he starts choking on the milk and other times he regurgitates it back out all over the other.

In his two week check up, his weight was 9.9 pounds, height: 22 inches and head size 38. The ped says he was above average and we didn't need to go back to her until the second month check up since everything was progressing accordingly. Baby definitely feels heavier.

He's starting to fuss and whine a lot and the other and I are sort of kind of catching on on the different types of cries he has. He seems to enjoy car rides but bringing him out is the biggest hassle in the world because we have to basically bring a luggage with us every where we go. Can't believe I'm a mommy of two weeks.

Seems like most of my posts are going to be about him from now on, my whole life changed because of baby. Lol.