8 Days Away

I'm going to be a mommy in 8 days. Still a little hard to imagine. Feelings of anticipation, unknowing what to expect, sort of nervous yet can't wait at the same time. There's a lot of feelings going on there. This is the final week that I'll be going about my day on my own. It's a new chapter, a new season, I'll no longer be just Joan, or Joan and the other, but we're going to have a family. How insane. Part of my is trying to take care of as many things as I could before this baby pops but the other part of me is squeezing whatever time I can get to find rest in mental preparation for the sleepless nights ahead of me. I have just about 20 hours of internship face to face hours left and I'm probably just going to finish off a couple more this coming week. I have one more official homework assignment for my graduate career and after this...life's about to change big time.

I was preparing on how to lead the New Mexico mission team for this summer and I can't even go because the baby will be not even two months by then. I feel a little crazy but I have the urge, if I'm physically okay and if baby is physically okay, I would love to jump on the plane with the rest of the mission team last minute and be part of the mission trip. In my mind, I think it's going to be easy but I know it's going to be nothing like that. And if I weren't able to go on the mission trip, then I would go to Challenge 2015.

Even for hooding and commencement, I'm determined to bring the baby out but most people would say it's not wise because the baby has nearly reached a month old (if I happen to pop according to the due date).

Sometimes I feel like I'm invincible and can do anything. Haha.

Baby

It's a little insane that the little boy that's been growing inside me the past nine months is going to come out in possibly two weeks or more or less. It's still hard to imagine myself as a mother but I guess those instincts will kick in when the baby is born. I'm still unsure of what to anticipate in terms going into labor because thus far, the pregnancy has been pretty smooth. I'm a little nervous but mentally preparing myself for all the changes that will happen in the next two weeks. I have only a couple of days of internship left before the baby pops and it literally feels like the last stretch. My mind is half there and half not there but I know I have to push myself to complete whatever I can to not have so many hours roll over for the summer.

It's been a pretty tough semester in terms of all the things I needed to handle, but I'm grateful for having such a great and supportive environment around me, they make things better. The other has been especially great, he's been treating me like a handicap, lol, and doing everything to make my life as least stressful as possible which I really appreciate. 

I feel pretty mentally checked out of life if that makes any sense at all. I'm currently just going through the motions and taking each day one step at a time. These two weeks I'm probably going to go through a bunch of feelings, anticipating the baby's birth. Still have so much to clean and sort but I have been prioritizing resting a little more since I'm mentally preparing that I won't be sleeping for a while after this. 

What I will miss about pregnancy is all the baby's different movements as each week passes by. It just amazes me that the way that humans are formed is such a miracle. 

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Side note: Since it was April Fools day, what I wanted to do so bad was prank the other and pretend I was going into labor at work. I ended up not doing it because it felt mean and it would've just been a bad joke that would've ruined his day and then mine. When I went home, I told him I wanted to and he said, "you're smart that you didn't". Lol. Then he goes, "it would've been more believable if your boss called on behalf of you". And then he would've rushed to school, ran down to our office and the find all of us just on our computer minding our own business. He said he would've been so upset. Lol.

Graduation

 I already accepted the fact that I wouldn't be attending commencement because I haven't completed my hours, but I received an email earlier today from the director of the program that said this: 

"Joan:

 

  I just received a response from Registrar.  A new policy is being instituted for this year in regards to Commencement.  

 

Nyack is going to allow students who will be completing 6 or less credits during the summer to walk at commencement.   The degrees will be issued at the end of the summer semester (August)

 

You will be allowed to walk at Commencement with the understanding that you will have your hours completed by end of Summer semester (if not sooner)."

Seems like everything I had asked, requested, whatever all fell into place this year in the midst of pregnancy and all. Thank God for his favor. Now I'm hoping that physically, baby and me will be okay to attend these events, I can't wait. 

Counseling

There are sometimes I dread counseling clients because it feels like therapy is going no where but there are other times where counseling is so worth it and I feel so privileged to be part of the growth and transformation process. There are only a handful of clients in which I feel that with and it makes this internship and possibly any future counseling job God places me in, worth it.

Everyday I count down the hours of how many clients I have left to see before I give birth and I can't wait until this internship ends. I think about how tired I am every morning just to squeeze in a client before work and how exhausting it is to have to squeeze in clients after work hours just so that these hours can be accomplished. I think like this, well, because I want to graduate, I don't want to do this any longer where I'm splitting myself in five thousand different places and I'm just ready for the next season. Then there are many times where I am sitting in these early morning or late night counseling sessions and I think to myself, wow such a blessing, that God chose me to see these particular people. I am so privileged to have such sensitive and personal information shared with me that probably nobody will ever get to hear and I definitely don't take it lightly during the sessions. I get to share in a persons struggles from an unbiased view point and be able to ask the right guiding questions so that these people can live a healthier life. What a privilege and what a blessing to be part of their story. They get to reflect on what was discussed during the session and there is some sort of impact made in their life that they would freely want to come back again for another session.

I'm coming to an end in my graduate school career and was the experience worthwhile? Absolutely. But still, I am unsure if this is something I see myself doing for the rest of my life.

As of today, I have 32 face to face time hours left. That's not much but that's not enough for me to graduate in time yet. Part of me does blame it on those three snows days we've had because this could've all came to an end by now.

Great news, I passed the comps, the director of the program said I am able to attend the hooding ceremony and I'm still waiting approval to walk for commencement. Not only that, what I've requested for maternity leave has basically been approved and I'll be going on maternity leave the day I give birth and am only required to go into the office once a week but the other days I can work from home. I'll be paid hourly depending on how many hours I decide to work and initially I thought that it wasn't going to be a good thing but it's actually a great thing because if I decide I don't want to work one day, I won't have to, but I just won't get paid for it which is not a big deal at all. So all of this works out for my good and I'm so thankful to God for working it out this way. Today, my boss just surprised me with some news that I was not expecting... he said something about nominating me as "employee of the year" or something of that nature but didn't go into detail. There are many times I feel like I just don't deserve the favor that God gives but I'm definitely very grateful and appreciative for it.

Comps

I had a bad start to my morning. I didn't sleep well, possibly because I thought I was not going to wake up in time to get to school early for the comps, and the belly has made it increasingly uncomfortable to sleep and roll around. When I woke up in the morning, I did my usual routine, made my peanut butter jelly sandwich and smoothie and then walked out. As I was walking to the bus stop, I happened to slip on black ice and landed on my back/head as I saw two-three buses pass me. I was in so much shock, I got up right away and went right back home. I walked up the staircase and started crying and asked David to drive me to the subway. My head hurt.

Then, I got on the train and it just so happened because of weather related issues, the train was delayed. When I texted other people who lived around the area if they were facing the same issues, they mentioned either catching the train two hours ahead of the normal scheduled time or taking the express bus. So there I was, head hurt, tired of studying, carrying a bunch of studying material on me, and the train delayed. Just my luck. I texted my coworker and told her I was going to be late, unfortunately. By the time I arrived on the green line, my coworker said everyone was there already and they were just waiting on me.

By the time I came out of the elevator, there were a line of people clapping for me because I was the last one to arrive. I was about to cry again because it was so embarrassing that I was the last one to arrive. Anyway, the test started, I was tired, wasn't confident in all the questions, but finished up in about 3 hours and went about the rest of my day. That was the day of the comps.