I'm Up.

You know those mornings where you just want to sleep in because you can? Well, I have that time today and I woke up at 9AM and couldn't go back to sleep! Gah! I may just go jogging or something and try to start a good habit.

Hands Extended

It makes me glad to know that I can make someone's day brighter just by simply helping them with something. At work today, I was speaking to a student and helping her understand her financial aid process as a last semester senior. She thanked me for spending the time to help her and give her advice and she was grateful because she said no one else has done that for her.

There have been many other students I've been introducing myself too and although I have to tell them bad news most of the time, they walk away with a different look on their face, not a bad one, but one that seemed grateful that someone treated them with kindness and some patience.

It might be because I'm still new at this job so I'm treating all the students nice. Perhaps I may be jaded eventually also because people keep coming in with the same stupid problem that they should know how to take care of themselves. But in the meantime, I'm grateful to know that I can bless someones day by just doing a small little task.

Prayer

It's very encouraging when every so often, someone tells me that they've been praying for me. Although I don't know if they are praying for me out of concern for me or praying for me because they are encouraged, but whatever the reason, there are people praying. Just knowing that is encouraging.

This week:
Previous Coworker: it will get better soon.. wanting to let you know, ive been praying for you... God definitely brought you here, im glad to cross paths w you!


Classmate:  yeah I have been praying for u girl

It's funny because I don't typically tell people out loud that I am praying for them, but now that I think about it, when people tell me they are praying for me, I get caught off guard but I feel encouraged and am thankful, would that help if I told others I was praying for them?

$100 an hour.

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make $100 an hour."
SON: "Oh! (With his head down).
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow $50?"
The father was furious.
DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"

SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"

SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do.

"Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Blessed

It's so funny that I've been so blessed lately by God but since so many of my prayers are being answered at the time time, I'm having a hard time balancing all of it. I'm so grateful for this season of my life but man oh man am I exhausted mentally and physically. I can't wait till a day comes sooner or later where I can just sleep in and relax for a couple of days.

Connects Best With

For homework, we had to ask some friends this question: "What kinds of people do I connect with best?"Below are some of the answers I received:

• From fiance -- "talkative people and people who are like you."

• From JHS friend -- "you can connect with anyone and everyone because you are just an awesome gal. But i guess you connect best with your peers or friends or anyone who shares similar beliefs as you."

• From brother -- "people who have capacity to understand or at least show empathy."

• From other brother -- "people who open up and trust easily."

• From church -- "I feel like you connect with people who is God seeking and comes to you but not clinging to every word you say and do. I think its the people you feel you are most comfortable, happy, and real/honest with are the people you connect with best."

• Close friend -- "In addition to connecting with people similar to your personality and all that jazz I feel that you connect best with people who are very transparent and genuine because you admire and respect that, and are that. And also people who are extroverts somehow which is weird because you're an introvert which contradicts the first part of what I said that you connect well with people with your kind of personality."

• Best friend -- "people in need of help. since you're a great listener, people who need some guidance comes to you? but you are friends with anyone."

• Close friend -- "You connect well with people who aren't lazy. I suppose that means you connect with people that take up responsibility and won't skirt around borders. You also connect well with positive people. For example, your bridesmaids are all positive and future looking people - like you! And lastly, people who share their opinions with you."

Trusting God

This is the theme of this season of my life.

Trust God for the Next Step
by Charles R. Swindoll

The mind of a man plans his way,
but the LORD directs his steps. 
Proverbs 16:9

Let me pass along an old motto of mine. It's guided me for well over thirty years and remains as appropriate now as the day it first slapped me alongside the head.

I try, I fail.

I trust, He succeeds!

Isn't that true? What simple counsel. Only eight words, yet how profound.

Bottom line: If you are moving in the energy of the flesh, you're doomed to fail. The old hymn says it well: "The arm of flesh will fail you, you cannot trust your own."

But when you trust the Lord God to give you the next step, when you wait in humility upon Him, He will open the doors or close them, and you'll get to rest and relax until He says, "Go.

My Own Personal Testimony

A couple of Sundays ago, I was sharing with some friends over lunch after service the great things God had been doing in my life recently and reasons why we should just surrender, let go and let God. I shared a lot of personal things that had been going on in my life recently that made me come to this conclusion. It wasn't a easy process but God always shown himself faithful.

After listening, a long time friend said: "Wow, Joan, remember back in the days where you said you used to never have your own testimony to share, well now you do. That's amazing."

When he said, it made me realize how different things have been the past couple of years. Back then, I used to always share encouraging stories, but they were never my own. It was always how God was working in the lives of others. I would be so encouraged I couldn't help but to share. But when people started to ask what was going on in my life, I didn't have much to share. I would just say life's going great, nothing crazy.

Recently, I have stories I can call my own! I've had so many testimonies to share because God's been working so crazily in my life that I just want everyone to know how faithful he is. All it takes is to surrender and give it over to God.

But of course, it's easier said than done.

Over the weekend, a friend and I were talking and I was sharing with him that my stronghold and weaknesses is my inability to trust God fully. It's always a battle because I'm such a planner and I am so driven that I worry a lot about how the future is going to look like. I tell myself I give it over to God, but deep inside, I'm still holding on to it. It's those tug-of-war battles that go on and on. But once I fight to the point I realize I really can't do it on my own, God starts miraculously working like no tomorrow.

Internship Secured!

Once again, God did it again! This morning, I got to work and was about to meet a student. I realized I got a missed call and a voicemail from the Nyack College NYC Counseling Center supervisor. Being a little nervous about what to expect because I had almost lost all hope in thinking that this internship site was even an option, I quickly heard the first ten seconds of my voice message before meeting the student.

Here's what I heard:

"Hi Joan... I'm calling because I would like to offer you the part time internship at Nyack Undergrad... I was very impressed with the interview and think you would be a good asset..."

After I heard that, my heart stopped for a moment, I needed to gather myself together and I turned off my phone since the student was coming in. This is what was going on in my head: "OH MY GOSH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS JUST HAPPENED. I HOPE I'M HEARING THIS RIGHT. GOD IS CRAZY."

An hour or two later, I finished hearing the message, this is what the supervisor said:  "...I'm hoping you would be able to work on Tuesday and Thursday since you said that you are flexible...I hope you're still interested and want to come on board. Thank you, God bless."

Right away, I freaked out and was in so much shock because this was the least I expected. I was so frustrated yesterday because after meeting with the internship advisor, she gave me advice I already knew and told me to just apply for a couple more internship sites and see where it takes me. Then, when I met up with the other half, he jokingly said, "Maybe it's not God's will to get an internship right away." So, anxiety, of course, was still high and I was just too exhausted to move forward.

The first person I told was my angel, who was sitting right in front of me. She said, "Joan, you've been receiving a lot of blessings lately!" And I told her how much I was in awe of what was happening, God has been doing so many things in my life recently I'm having a hard time balancing everything.

Then, she said... "You're doing the right thing, all these things are happening because you're walking in alignment with God."

Wow.

Now although this is wonderful news, I still have to figure out how to balance everything. He wants me to do Tuesdays and Thursdays which means I have to make up my hours for my job which means I have to spend a lot of time in the work place. In addition, this is going to be for two years, so I'll be most probably exhausted every single day of the week for two years before I finally get to graduate and be free, but all in all, WOW, God, you always surprise me and you always confirm that I should just trust in you.

Protection

Last night I had a dream that I was sitting in the dining hall and got up and reprimanded two people in the hallways of the church (although I don't clearly remember what I rebuked them about). Just when one of the persons were going to heavily attack me, they weren't able to, I was blocked by a protective force or shield. Interestingly, I immediately thought it was God protecting me because I was doing the right thing. The first thought was, whoah, thank you God.

The other day, my coworker was reading a verse to me about God chastening us and disciplining us into righteousness. The love of God doesn't come easy and fluffy. This conversation led to more discussion about how important it is to speak truth into someone's life. I felt like this dream was confirming that I shouldn't have fear when it comes to something like that because its always necessary to speak the truth in love. And God will work through me to be his hands extended.

Exhausted

Over the past two weeks, the first word that typically comes to mind when someone asks me how I'm doing is: EXHAUSTED. I feel extremely exhausted. Mainly because of working in a totally new environment, learning all these new things for the job and understanding new lingo. On a daily basis, there's too much information to absorb that by the end of the work day, I just want to sleep. Nonetheless, I'm so grateful that the team is so welcoming, everyone has the patience to teach and I'm picking things up slowly but surely. This has been taking a toll on everything else in life, though, and I just need God's strength to pull through, especially pull through with wedding planning as well as finishing the rest of the semester well. There are SO many things I needed to accomplish in my head and it was causing me to be more exhausted so I wrote it down so I least I can get it out of my mind. After writing it down, I look at it, and I'm thinking, man it's taking me too long to finish this list, gah! I'm taking the least amount of credits I've ever taken in my AGSC career but I feel the most exhausted in this season of my life. God is great, I thank him everyday for blessing me so much, now I just need to learn how to balance all of it.

Internship

Finding an internship hasn't been the smoothest process for me, in fact, it's been almost two months and I have still yet to land an internship. Initially, I was pretty confident that it wouldn't be hard to find one, but since of all the crazy great circumstances that have been getting in the way, my options are not as broad anymore. And because of that, it hasn't been very easy. Of course, I know I have to trust God in this whole process but it's still making me anxious and stressed nonetheless. I know that God is going to have the right internship panned out for me, I just have to be patient in waiting.

Throughout the past two months, I've had so many emotions towards internship. I've felt discouraged enough to reconsider if I should graduate from AGSC or not. I have thought about taking the decelerated track and just graduate in two years because I just attained this job which is taking up most of my time. It's been hard for me to see that I can graduate in a year although that was my original goal. I'm sure that God has something planned out for me in the way I least expect, but I'm getting too anxious!

Anyway, during peer coaching today, I made up my mind to at least try to find an internship where their offices are opened on Saturdays. I set the goal to finish in one year and it's not impossible and I shouldn't get discouraged.

Last week I interned for two places. One place seemed like they saw me as a good candidate but when I mentioned that I might've preferred part time, they had to second think the decision. The second place I interviewed at... it was a great interview but it was a conflict of interest, so it's very hard to say that he'd call me back.

I know I have to do my due diligence and wait patiently. Since I don't have much time before the deadline to find an internship, there are the following steps I'm going to take and hope that God would truly take care of the rest for me:

- Call the two sites and follow up with them.
- Talk to the internship advisor to see if she has any advice.
- Call some sites to see if they are accepting interns and if they are opened on Saturdays
- Possibly send some of my resumes if I see anything that might be doable.

I'm actually tired of sending out resumes, I don't want to get more calls for interviews because it's very inconvenient to go on interviews with such a tight schedule, and I just really pray that in this time of anxiousness, God would help me find rest in Him and that I would cast my cares upon Him and let him tae care of me and bless me with the internship that suits me.

First Day of Work

Today was my first day of working at this new position. I miss my team but at the same time I'm glad I'm in a new transition and getting to know people from a different department. Even though I'm working in the same organization, it seems like I have to learn everything from scratch again because it's a total different process but I'm excited. I spent most of the day being trained by the different FT employees. I'm glad everyone is so welcoming.

During break time, my angel and the fiance finally got to meet each other. After talking more about the testimony of how I landed this job, my angel filled in more of how God was really behind it all. The angel basically said that the day right before I submitted my resume (Wednesday), the whole entire team had reviewed a list of potential candidates for the position. They had lined up all the interviewees to be schedule to interview during spring break. They spent hours reviewing who would be qualified for the position. The day right after, I submitted my resume, and the director suddenly through all the other candidates out the window and put me as top consideration. Not only that, the week after that, my angel pulled me to the side during my break and had the urge to pray for me. The next day, I was interviewed with the director and his supervisor. That confirmed why my angel prayed for me the day before. Also, the supervisor never meets with anyone until they are in their final stage of interviewing. But, I was the only person that ever had a personal interview with her like that. Although my angel was doubtful that I could've attained the job because of the reservations I told her about, after seeing that I had an interview with both the director and the supervisor, it just confirmed that God was in the midst of it all. She says, God is preparing me and setting me up to do great things. Wow.

Afterwards, the fiance lifted her up in prayer together and we held hands and prayed together. It made me want to cry because I was just so grateful. God is good. I'm so encouraged by the great prayer warriors in life.