First Semester is OVER!

My first semester is finally over with. Time has definitely flew by real quickly. It's been a overwhelming heavy duty experience considering the work given, but it wasn't anything that was not manageable. I've definitely been blessed by the environment, learned a lot, interacted with great & encouraging people. Probably didn't get all As as much as I hoped and strived for it because of the balance of other priorities in life, but I definitely did well and striving to manage my time better for next year. Now that's I'm done with studies for the next couple of weeks, Christmas shopping and GKYM, here I come!

Encouraged

Last Friday, I got an email at work from one of our admitted student's sponsors.

Joan,



Thank you for your assistance, patience and understanding. Your position is not easy because you experience the frustrations, lashings and attitudes from people. From my experience with you, I have noticed that you remain tamed and comprehensive. I thank you for that. Keep it up, don’t let my few kind words make you complacent.


Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones!!!


Thank you again.

My first couple of weeks doing this have been a little stressful, so this was definitely an encouraging note.

The Reward of Trials

Tita Lulu sent this.

The Reward of Trials -Author Uknown

There are certain lessons of grace that can be learned only in the valley of pain and distress. Show me someone who has suffered much and deepened his dependence on God, and I will show you a sensitive soul full of compassion for others, and with a deep love for his Heavenly Father.
According to a legend, a king once placed a heavy stone in the roadway. Then he hid and waited to see who would remove it. Many who came by loudly blamed the government for not keeping the highways clear, but none assumed the duty of pushing the obstacle out of the way. At last a poor peasant stopped and rolled it into the gutter. To his surprise, he found a bag full of gold embedded in the road beneath the spot where the rock had been. A note said it was the king's reward for anyone who removed the troublesome object.
So too, our King has hidden a blessing under every trial. The obstacles on our path are placed there for a purpose. By them,God tests our faithfulness, turns our attention heavenward, and gives us opportunity for spiritual reward.
Hidden under the "rock of trial" that has brought you "very low" is a special blessing. Take your burden to God, and in time you will find the divine favor.

Let us trust in our troubles,
He is loving, kind and wise;
And most often trials and troubles
Are but blessings in disguise.

Forward

You make all things new Yes, You make all things new and I will follow You forward You make all things new Yes, You make all things new and I will follow You forward.  - "Forward" by Israel Houghton
This was the last song we sang yesterday at the Nyack Experience. As we were singing it, I couldn't help but to tear as we were declaring this to Christ. I'm not sure why I did, maybe it was the Holy Spirit and His overwhelming presence, or it could be that as I'm moving forward in life, there are a lot of things that I am still trusting God with but the thoughts are still all over the place. But one thing I do know is that whatever situation I'm in, I will trust God and move forward because he makes all things new.

Neon Lights

A couple of months ago, I asked that God would direct my life with big neon lights.

Prayer has been getting answered more and more. It's a little surreal.

I graduated with a marketing degree. I'm now a counseling major.
I work as an administrative assistant, soon to be designated school official.
My tasks currently entail various administrative duties,
soon I'll also be working alongside with international students and care for them.
I'm doing both what I'm gifted with and what I'm passionate about which is people.
And I'm being challenged with all of the above.
All of this is so unexpected, but praise God, he does listen to prayers.

To think about it, it was worth it going that dramatic emotional road block.
There are a lot of things that are causing me to struggle and trust God with.
It really bothers me, drags me down, sucks up all the life out of me;

more than my school work, church work, work work, social life and long days.

School work is getting quite overwhelming now a days.
I haven't had time to concentrate and focus on my studies.
I want to ace all my courses and learn everything to the best of my ability.
I want to and material is interesting. My time has become very limited.
Still learning good time management skills.
This will be a life long learning process.

I need to obtain my eight hours of sleep a night to function with optimal health.
I need to set time apart for homework to do well and be well versed in my studies.
I need to practice piano to be a better steward on the worship team.
I need to not be too busy to spend time with God and pray.
I want to spend more quality time with family, friends, and loved ones.
I want to do so many things, but first I must maintain balance with things that have been entrusted me.
God, thanks for the passion to learn and excel, teach me a balance.

Anyway, I had such a great day today again, and came home with not the greatest feeling.
God, I love you, I trust you, I need you, I want to understand.
I can't stand watching people hurt, unable to communicate, why am I there?
I'm still trying to grasp all of this, it's been too long, and it's only creating more brokenness and pain.
I don't know where to turn sometimes, but God you have a reason for this, I know you do.

"Not receiving an immediate answer to prayer is no reason to give up faith." —Julie Ackerman Link

"Not ours to know the reason why
Unanswered is our prayer,

But ours to wait for God’s own time
To lift the cross we bear." —Anon.
 
"Waiting for God is never a waste of time."

Thanks for making my mission clearer, God.

Say "Yes" to Jesus!

Right afterwork today, I went to the Haven. Every Tuesday and Thursday, they have this 1 hour worship session for students just to relieve themselves from some school work. Typically I don't have the time to go but today, before studying, I decided to stay because somethings always attracting me towards it. The music was amazing. As I walked in, they were singing this song that kept saying "yes". I don't know the title or the artist, but right away, I could just feel God's presence so overwhelming in the room. It was definitely a wow moment.

Today, Tim Dilena, the associate pastor of Brooklyn Tabernacle, spoke. Not only was he hilarious, but he had SUCH a great message.

He spoke about: 

Scripture: 1 Samuel 26.

• Once you know what God wants you to do, it doesn't mean great things are going to happen right away the next day. The process is actually what happens the next day. God does not show you the process, he just shows you the ending. If God shows you the process, than it's a nightmare and he knows you'll say no. But if God shows you the ending, you'll definitely say yes. He used King David's story as an example.
• First, we need to attack the Ahimelech spirit. Ahimelech never said "no", but he also never said anything. It's not that we don't say "no", it's that we don't say anything. Ahimelech had the opportunity but he just sat there. In Christianity, God wants you to things voluntarily and you do it by saying "yes". Christianity is a very vocal religion; it asks you to do something. The problem is, in church we just know how to clap our hands to praise, but we don't know how to say and do something. We need to use our mouth because it's the tool that God uses. When your pastor's preaching, it's good to say Amen. When you open your mouth, that's when it becomes crazy. God says, I need you to open up your mouth, I need you to become a witness.
• Pastor Tim's story about meeting the Houston Rockets. Houston Rockets and him were staying in the same hotel, he told God, if you just let me talk to them, I'll evangelize to every single one of them. Be careful of what you pray for because that's exactly what heppened. He was stuck in an elevator with them for 29 floors, and he made it possible for them to hear the gospel in such a unique way.
• He flies Delta Airlines a lot also. One day he got to sit on the first class seating. A hilly billy just happened to sit next to him and that guy went straight to sleep for the 2.5 hours on the plane ride. It just so happened that he was sitting next to Kid Rock on the airplane. He lost his opportunity to speak to him and evangelize to him because he kept his mouth shut and never opened it up. He promised God that it will never happen again. He told God, "Please let me open up my mouth and let me volunteer every single time." 
• The devil always uses self consciousness, pride, insecurity that never allows us to want to open up our mouth. How will people ever hear if there is no preacher? Clapping doesn't do anything, we can't clap to communicate. All we have to do is raise my hand and volunteer to do it. It may be wrong motives but God can use it to change everything. God put the nature of Abishai in pastor Tim. He had said yes to everything that came him way. 
• Do things that need for God to show up. Do stuff that require a miracle. Challenge the youth today, they are crazy and can create their own olympics with the things they do. Kids today want to be challenged. They want to go to six flags they want to go to a mission trip to rwanda if it requires risking their lives. Kids want to be challenged. 
• Pastor Tim said that he'll evangelize even though he doesn't like to because he couldn't get the gift of healing. But God turned it around and told him he'll fix that. One day, he was at aprayer meeting with two intercessors, one Bible man, and one Demoniac. Pastor Tim's record of healing was very horrible and when he was praying over the person who needed to be healed, he even used the diclaimer: God, if it's your will, then heal him. At the end of the story, the guy was healed miraculously, even due to his lack of faith. When you volunteer, even if it looks stupid, God may just show up and may just do something. God's going to say and do something that needs a miracle. 
• Luke 5:3. There were two boats. Jesus went on one of them. That boat went out a little further and caught a whole lot of fish that they had to call the other boat who did not volunteer to come over. I'm sick of being the other boat. I want my own fish story. I want to volunteer. I want to be the one who can make the difference. 

Gifts on my lap.

After the start of graduate school, everything's been such a blessing. My perspectives on things have changed a lot and I'm just really glad everything's happening the way it is. God always works for the good of those who love him and I fully believe that.

Some things that have been happening lately:

• It's totally weird how when I kind of wanted/needed a job, things didn't seem to be falling into place. All of a sudden, about two weeks ago -- I had three things offered on my lap and then another one last week. The first couple of classes, one of my professors liked my smile... and she just recovered from a stroke and needed help cleaning her office after the move. She asked me and I helped her -- then she mentioned how she was considering offering me a job as an aid to direct their mentors program. That same week, my friend from school contacted me and told me about a job they were offering in the undergrad admissions. She remembered me because I asked her in the beginning of the school year, thank God. I went for the interview and was hired the day of. At the same time, Bobby was leaving LV and said that his manager needed people who spoke Chinese to work there and he just so happened to ask me. And then last week, Keisha, the front desk girl at the graduate school pulled me to the side and told me, "Joan, God has a place for you here in Nyack, I can just see it. Btw do you work?" And she said there were possibly openings for me. Fortunately and unfortunately, I already started my work as administrative assistant in the undergrad admissions. I don't understand this but I'm accepting these things as it comes. God does have a place for me here and I believe it, I'm loving it so far.
• I also realize that just living and breathing is such a spiritual battle. The more I look to God and spend time with him, the more the enemy will attack on my weak sides. That night after I got accepted the job from the interview, I had such a great night until I got home. Things became chaotic, I felt so helpless and I totally wasn't able to handle or manage the situation that was going on. It broke my heart so much to see my family torn to pieces and I really didn't know what to do. I know the more I play steady on God's side, there's gonna be a lot more of these, but I declare joy, peace, freedom over everything in my life. I trust that God will help us overcome it. He is and I believe it. I just continue to pray that as I go through struggles and such, God would keep me close to him and stay faithful no matter how hard it gets. I surrender it all. 
• Going to class is such an encouragement. I enjoy it so much, aside from my Saturday class, I think just because it's on Saturdays but I know my perspective has to change. I made my schedule for next semester already -- it's going to be Tuesday nights, Thursday nights, Friday and Saturday afternoon, and work during day times. Schedule and life is starting to get busy again but I'm thankful that I have all these opportunities in my hand and will strive in each one with excellence. If God's throwing these gifts left and right on my lap, why not receive it and glorify him with it? I'm still working on time management skills, balancing all of these things together, but it's doable.

God's good, I don't know how else to put him into words. 

This is a song that highlights my current life situation:

Praise the Lord @ TBN

Yesterday we went to TBN to watch live broadcast. Guest stars included: Joel & Victoria Osteen, Joseph and Wendy Prince, Cece Winans, Israel Houghton. I was so exhausted from the day but still went to go for support for EMC. About forty of us went I believe... didn't hit the fifty mark but it's all good. It was definitely a blessing though. 

Here are some things I wanna keep in mind:

• "If you surrender to God's will, then the will of God will surrender itself back to you."
• Where sin is, grace abounds. 
• Romans 6:14, Romans 5:17

Below is a GREAT song by Cece Winans called "Always".

Quotes

Leaders aren’t born, they are made. And they are made just
like anything else, through hard work. And that’s the price
we’ll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal – Vince Lombardi

What you do with your time is a valued commodity.
If you can manage your life and use time well,
it'll be an amazing asset in your life. - John Maxwell

Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress.
Working together is a success. – Henry Ford

One of things I keep learning is that the secret of being happy
is doing things for other people. -Dick Gregory

Know thyself means this, that you get acquainted with what you know,
and what you can do . ~ Menander
Who can I today and how can I today add value to someone else?

Peace

God, I believe you make all things new.
Please send peace in the places where I need it the most and only you know.

http://peacewithgod.jesus.net/

I feel very spiritually defeated today. What started off as an amazing week has led to a horrific day.
I don't even know what to say, I don't know what to do, I'm trying really hard to hope and faith in God.
Everything in life has been going great, but when it comes to the enemy trying to attack my family, that's not cool at all and I don't even know what to do about it. I feel so spiritually weak. Please God, help me to put all my hope and trust in you. I really need it. So many things are just collapsing or at least it feels like it out of no where. It's not funny.

Drain Flies.

Oh. My. Gosh. These things just won't leave me alone. They stick on my walls.
They are not afraid to fly near my face. They're not even afraid to die.

Failure

"If you've never failed, you've never even tried" - Denzel Washington
Failure is the best way to figure out where you're going, your life will never be a straight path.

What are you going to do with what you have?



RIP Steve Jobs

Great speech, Steve Jobs.

Below is a quote he said at the last two minutes of this speech that I thought was profound.

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share, no one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now, the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you'll gradually become the old and be cleared away...

You're time is limited so don't waste it living someone else life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." - Steve Jobs

                                                         "Stay hungry, stay foolish."

Culture & Socialization

Reading "Lives Across Cultures" by Gardiner & Kosmitzki.

There are things about my own culture and I want to appreciate the culture and society I grew up in:

• As an infant, I remember sleeping in a crib and occasionally on with my parents. The crib, though, was always close enough to the parents room where they could always keep in watch. As we grew older, my siblings and I started sleeping in one room together. Two on a bunk bed, one on a coffee table, and the other on the floor inbetween the table and the bunk bed. We slept this way for about 10-15 years until we moved out to a bigger place where we now all have our own rooms. But when my brothers come back from college, we have no problem rooming together and sleeping in the same room because we grew up this way. In the future, I would probably place my kids in the same room, it brings more intimacy and lead the kids to be closer in the future. Separating them into different rooms would bring about too much individualism, wanting to create their own identity too soon, and a want for privacy at an early age.
• In terms of eating preference, I probably would draw closer to eating rice with all my meals, preferably with veggies and meat. My dad was always a person who couldn't be satisfied to eat a meal without meat or else he'll be hungry fast, so I'm the same way. Things like hamburgers and American fast food turn me off to eating, lol.
• With the choices that my aging relatives have made in life.. I see that my grandparents from my mothers side are very happy. They raised four girls that grew up to all be pretty successful, have kids of their own, and are very fortunate in their life. Their own daughters keep in touch with them all the time and they live with the eldest one. My grandma always has something to brag about, either whether about her own children or her grandchildren. My grandpa is very satisfied at his old age too, he's 90 years old and still does all the house chores at home as well as the gardening. He made wise choices such as giving up smoking which led him to a healthier life style. On the other hand, my grandmother from my father's side is an amazing women but I'm not sure how happy she is with her life. I know for sure she definitely trusts God with all of her heart and she's still living a pretty healthy life, but she doesn't have all of her children by her side all the time. Because her husband died, she's alone most of the time taking care of all the house chores and taking care of herself, and it seems that she's a little lonely. Thats why my heart breaks for her because she has the best heart in the world and too bad she can't come to America to live with us because she'll nag about all the flaws in our home. My mom seems to be living the greatest in life right now. God has been dropping a whole bunch of greatness in her life and she feels like now is her prime. She's wiser, she's more active, she's more experienced, and she overcame so many things. Now is her time, and she's making all the choicees that satisfy not only her but God. My dad, on the other hand, seem to

Path towards Success

Just took some notes about what John Maxwell said:

Success is not a destination, we don't become successful.
Success is a journey, a process. It's a daily thing.

Example: In school, the day you graduate you get a diploma, you just got recognized for the success you already were. So many times people have a tendency to devalue the moment, today. What they do is they greatly value the destination. They talk about when I get there, or if I do that, or when I accomplish this.

Book: "Today Matters" by John Maxwell
Many times, we make decisions and we manage decisions. It's not the decision that makes you, you make decisions. What you want to be tomorrow, you've got to do today. You visualize tomorrow, that gives you hope, your motivation and your dream, but you value today. What I do everyday is either getting me closer to that vision, dream, goal, or we are getting farther away from it.

Everyday we are either repairing or preparing.. Everyday I spend repairing, I'm not spending preparing. When we repair when we fail to manage the decisions that we make. When we prepare, everyday we manage the decisions that we make.

Your footprints to success is your footprints of success. It's another step to prepare your potential.

Each one of us in our lives should live hungry everyday understanding that we are to live until we die.
Success can't be summarized in a degree or a program or a diploma. Today, if we are learning to coach, speak, doing the things that are central to the decisions, then congratulations.

Overtime, it shows that. Expression: "I've worked all my life to become an overnight success."
You didn't get good at that moment, you've been good for a long time, it just showed up someday!
Everyday -- learn, grow, absorb, everyday we want you to do the things that will one day help you be the person you want to become. The only thing that is better than take the journey by yourself is to do it with someone else.

Illuminate My Heart

Am I a lightbulb or light? 

When I Say "I'm Christian"

One of my favorite poems :)

“When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say. "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow.”
― Maya Angelou

Statue of Liberty

"Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame, With conquering limbs astride from land to land;

Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand

A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame

Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name

Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand

Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command

The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!"

cries she ith silent lips.
"Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

—Emma Lazarus, 1883

Last week, my professor spoke about the Statue of Liberty as she opened the first class of the semester. A couple of days later, Rae asked me to go see the Statue of Liberty and so I said yes right away because I never visit it, neither did I ever give it the appreciation it deserves. The Statue of Liberty is the monument that makes us who we are.

Here are some thoughts I want to remember about what we discussed in some classes the first couple of days:

• If you can't say it, pray it.
• Eph 4 -Walking in Unity- speaking the truth in love, we all have something to give to one another.
• Hurt people hurt people.
• We don't want to send bleeding people into the world with more bleeding people in the world.
• Replace things we are throwing out with good, develop new practices.
• We are going to take care of some people, not the world.
• We're cleaning the house in order to move into a new house.
• We are a whole garden of people.
• Learning the truth about yoruself and learning to deal with it.
• Look back to move forward.
• Revisiting open wounds and allowing them to heal.
• No shame, we're not here to make shame.
• In my convolescence and in my infirmities, we have to get up and move.
• Our core values are the same but our exterior is different.
• We have to change.
• Change requires effort and getting out of my comfort zone.
• Learning to be free.
• Look, look, look, look, even when you see blood.
• Jessie Jackson: "We never look down on anybody unless you are helping them up."
• "The idea that we are hepling ministers are to extend our hand to them and to help them stand."
• Einstein's definition of insanity: Engaging over and over again with the same behaviors but expecting different results.
• There are different functions people do in church but God does the healing and the increase.
• I'm not pessimistic, I'm just realistically hopeful.
• Show the model, give people something to follow.
• It is what it is until it's not.
• There's somebody that's assigned to your body.
• We're here to change the atmosphere and not be part of the atmosphere.
• Walk away from other people's view of you.
• We value their opinion, take responbility of your life and remove boundaries.
• What's going on for you is what's going on for you.
• If you are holding onto it, you are not making space for the new thing.
• Living life from God's point of view.
• God is not particularly concerned about your comfort but he cares about your development.
• I want you to go on a private shtu down or else I will shut you down permanently.

Many of these are just quotes that people said in class that I thought were worth keeping. >:]

"Prison to Praise"

The past week, I've been reading this book called "Prison to Praise" by Merlin Carothers recommended by May. I'm a little over halfway done with it -- it's an easy to read and very engaging book about a person's testimony and how God worked in and around his life everywhere he went. As I read, I can't help but feel my heart melting at the way God uses people for his glory. He'll put people in weird situations so that God can reveal himself in it. It's amazing to see how this man weren't set by human boundaries and conditions, but he allowed God to use him His way and not according to the rule book, being bound by denominations and locking God in a small box. Highly recommend this book!

Quotes I want to remember:


p99: "The brightest sunshine below the cloud is the light that many christians live in and accept as normal. The ladder is the ladder of praising Me. Many try to climb and learn to praise Me in all things. At first they are very eager, but when they get into things that they don'tunderstand they become confused and cannot hold on. They lose faith and go sliding back. As they fall, they injure other people who have been hoping to find a way to live in continual joy and praise.

"Those who make it through those difficult times reach a new world and realize that the life they once thought of as normal cannot be compared to the life I have prepared for those who praise Me and believe that I carefully watch over them. He who reaches the light of the heavenly kingdom can walk on top of difficulties no matter how dark they may seem as long as he keeps his eyes off the problem and on My victory in Christ. No matter how difficult it may seem to trust Me to work in every detail of your life, keep clinging to the ladder of praise and move upwards!"

p105: "Some have asked me if this principle of praise isn't just another way to talk about the power of positive thinking. Far from it. Praising God for every circumstance does not mean we close our eyes to the difficulties. In his letter to the Philippians Paul says to worry about nothing, but "in thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, willk eep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

"Looking only at the good side of every situation is often a dangerous way of trying to escape the reality of it. When we praise God we thank Him for our situation, not in spite of it. We are not trying to avoid our dilemmas. Rather Jesus Christ is showing us a way to overcome them."

"For our praise to reach the perfection God wants for us, it needs to be free of any thoughts of reward. Praise is not another way of bargaining witht he Lord. We don't say, "Now we've praise You in the middle of this mess, so get us out of it!" Praising God with a pure heart means we must let God cleanse our hearts from impure motives and hidden designs. We have to experience the dying to self so that we can live again in Christ in newness of mind and spirit."

"Dying to self is a progressive journey, and I have come to believe it is traveled only through praise."

"God is calling us to praise Him, and the highest form of praise is the one Paul exhorts us to give in Hebrews 13:15. The sacrifice of praise is offered when all is darkness around us. it is offered of a heavey heart, unto God because He is God and Father and Lord.

"As we begin to praise Him, on whatever step of the ladder we may be, His Holy Spirit begins to fill our beings more and more. To continually praise Him means to steady decreasing of self and an increase of the presence of Christ within us until with Peter we rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory."

Power of Praise

Awwwwww I'm a little disappointed that Florence is forced to drop all her classes this semester. :( But at the same time, praise God, because he's in control and he must have a reason for this. I was looking forward to taking so many classes with her and studying together because she became such a close friend and awesome sister in Christ. She's one of the main people who just encouraged me to apply for Nyack just by her presence, without her having to say anything. But thank you God for this situation. I can't wait to see what you had planned for her and how you are going to deal with this.

Merlin Carothers said, "Praising God for every circumstance does not mean we close our eyes to the difficulties. Looking only at the good side of every situation is often a dangerous way of trying to escape the reality of it. When we praise God we thank Him for our situation, not in spite of it. We are not trying to avoid our dilemmas. Rather Jesus Christ is showing us a way to overcome them. Praising God with a pure heart means we must let God cleanse our hearts from impure motives and hidden designs. We have to experience the dying to self so that we can live again in Christ in newness of mind and spirit." 

"Chippie the Parakeet"

Here's a story the professor read to us to encourage us, it was cute:
Googled it, and found out it's quoted from "In the Eye of the Storm" by Max Lucado.

CHIPPIE THE PARAKEET NEVER saw it coming. One second he was peacefully perched in his cage. The next he was sucked in, washed up, and blown over. The problems began when Chippie's owner decided to clean Chippie's cage with a vacuum cleaner. She removed the attachment from the end of the hose and stuck it in the cage. The phone rang, and she turned to pick it up. She'd barely said 'hello' when 'sssopp!' Chippie got sucked in.

The bird owner gasped, put down the phone, turned off the vacuum, and opened the bag. There was Chippie-- still alive, but stunned. Since the bird was covered with dust and soot, she grabbed him and raced to the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and held Chippie under the running water. Then, realizing that Chippie was soaked and shivering, she did what any compassionate bird owner would do . . she reached for the hair dryer and blasted the pet with hot air.

Poor Chippie never knew what hit him.

A few days after the trauma, the reporter who'd initially written about the event contacted Chippie's owner to see how the bird was recovering. 'Well,' she replied, 'Chippie doesn't sing much anymorc he just sits and stares.'

It's hard not to see why. Sucked in, washed up, and blown over . . . that's enough to steal the song from the stoutest heart.

Can you relate to Chippie? Most of us can. One minute you're seated in familiar territory with a song on your lips, then . . . The pink slip comes. The rejection letter arrives. The doctor calls. The divorce papers are delivered. The check bounces. A policeman knocks on your door.

"Sssopp! You're sucked into a black cavern of doubts, doused with the cold water of reality, and stung with the hot air of empty promises.

"The life that had been so calm is now so stormy. You're hailstormed by demands. Assailed by doubts. Pummeled by questions. And somewhere in the trauma, you lose your joy. Somewhere in the storm, you lose your song. Life will test you, but don't let it steal your song.



First Days of School

I've taken two classes so far and looking forward to my other two classes tomorrow. So far so good. The first day of school, I had such a great time. The professor was great, the couple of people I interacted with were awesome. The class was diverse in ethnicity, age, experience but all of us come with the purpose to serve people because we truly love people.

My first day of class was definitely a different experience. Typical class starts off with going straight into the syllabus, but the professor started off the class with prayer and then a reading of a passage from the Scripture. Definitely something I wasn't used to. When the professor said something relating to God and truth, you would hear students go, "MHMM!" It was such a blessing to be part of that environment. The first class was beyond my expectations and something I would love to look forward to go to.

The second class on Saturday was just alright. Because the first class set the bar, the second class was little bit of a snoozer though some said it was great. She came to class one hour late because she couldn't find the new building we were in, and then she just threw at us some basic information we could've read for ourselves in the textbook. I expected more, she was trying and that was her teaching style. She tried to be interactive but it wasn't the same. I'm looking for this class to be much better than that in the coming weeks.

I wanted to get a part time job to make some side cash, but I'm not sure if that's possible because the workload seems to be overwhelming and I'm aiming to ace all the classes. Ordered about 25 books over the weekend, and we have to read all this within one semester, that's crazy, but at the same time I'm looking foward to it! Let the studying begin!

My God make my passion and mission clearer as I take steps to progress towards my future.

Survival Will?

Over the past couple of weeks, I've mentioned to some people that I have a low sense of survival will. Reason being is because all these action movies I've been watching signify people who are willing to go great lengths to protect their lives and make sure they live, even if they are the last man standing. There are so many true stories about it also. Everytime I watch movies or hear stories, it makes me think and then I think that I would never be able to do that. I would never struggle hard enough to make sure I live if I have to always be on the lookout for my life, escaping from bad people, or if the world is ending, I would scrape every corner of a room to try to look for food. Bruce said that it's human nature/instinct to survive, my body wouldn't allow me to just sit there and die. But I just thought because I'm so weak, I have no strength to save myself, I'll just let myself do so.

There was a minor earthquake a couple of weeks ago and I was in room studying and Bruce and Sasha were in another room. The moment everything started shaking, they ran into the room I was in and was wondering why I didn't panic. I just sat there with my book in my hand. Bruce kept saying, let's go let's go. And I kept questioning him, why? Because if the building collapsed, it would harm the people outside, so might as well just stay inside. I know, I know, stupid reasoning.

The other day, the professor was reminding us about 9/11. There were so many people who survived from that tragedy because they made sure they ran. Then I thought about it again: If I was in the building on that day, I probably would've made a run for it as fast as possible also.

It made me think twice, because I guess if I was put into a situation where things like this happen, I probably would do my best to live. We only live one life, there's no way I would just sit there and let myself die.

... My mind thinks such weird things lol.

Crazy Lady

Yesterday I was sitting next to this lady that wouldn't stop bothering my parents about finding her a place to live in. She supposedly knew my parents for over 30 years and was one of the few first to move to NY. She used to be those top real estate agents. Then recently, after one closing, something happened and everything went down hill and people are not tracking her down, following her, and making sure she has no place to live. Rudely and naggingly, she kept bothering my parents, and even Jerry and I if she can squeeze in with us over nice, or if she can come over our house. My mom already told her "no" because she has to pack and fly out of states and she has to finish a lot of things. She still kept insisting and nagging and it was really driving me crazy. We made a detour to mom's old friend's house, and she was like, "Hey, ask her if I can sleep over her house for the night". And my mom said "no" she lives with her husband in a small studio, she can't fit. And my parents were trying to be as helpful as possible but she was really getting on my nerves because she wasn't being respectful about it. Finally we got to our Flushing home and then we saw a car right in front of our house. Everyone in the car got paranoid and thought that the car was there for her. She was memorizing their license plates and telling us, I have to be careful they might be trying to get me. That's when I snapped and I said this is enough and this is ridiculous. I was trying to be nice to her, but she was getting out of hand. Well, at the end of the night, we let her live one night in a room in our Flushing house, but omigoodness that was some hard work. I don't want her to categorize her as "crazy" but it's a lack of a better word. I feel horrible for her, but at the same time, a little respect would do. It was definitely not a great end to the beautiful day I had.

I'm a Student again!

I'm officially a student again, enrolled in the Masters of Mental Health Counseling Masters Program at Nyack College. I have 66 credits to take, 700 hours of internship to fulfill, go through 15 sessions of personal counseling myself, and a whole lot of studying to do. Going to be a full timer -- 12 credits on top of one online ungrad course, I'm pretty excited. Everything went by so smoothly the past couple of weeks, I'm excited to see how the future will be like because everything is still so up in the air. I have weekend classes though :(  -- Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday. But it's okay. I'm excited. All that stressful studying paid off. Praise God.

Study Study.

Let's see how this goes today.
Today I was supposed to take the test and pass it, then register for class and then go to orientation tonight.
Well, the first one didn't work out well because of a stupid mistake I made, and now I have to take the test some other day, hopefully and probably tomorrow. Hopefully the counselor will still allow me to register for classes and go to orientation tonight because I'm determined to pass this.

I'm tired, a little anxious because I've been anticipating this all week, and want to sleep more before I continue a little more studying. Studied so many hours yesterday, by last night everything seemed like a blur. I have a lot more to do, I'm thankful for another day, hopefully everything still rolls smoothly despite my little mistake.

I'm thinking about it, if I do pass and enroll this Fall. By next Spring I'd already be one year into the program. Time flies, this degree will go by in no time, sort of exciting but at the same time, what to do from there? We'll see about that.

Quotes

You are oridinary if you love people who are like you.
You are extraordinary is you love people who are not like you.
You are revolutionary if you love people who dislike you.

Life has three phases:
You are either in a storm.
You just got out of a storm.
Or you are entering into a storm.

Search & Confess, Realize He's Close

Challenge Reunion 2011.

Loved Tom Richter's message yesterday.

Psalm 139 -- Search and confess. But that's not it, realize how close He is to you.

Time and time again, average Christians go through spiritual ruts, go on retreats, get spiritual highs, come back a week later, crash and relive the same routine life they promised not to live when recommitting themselves to Christ. The reason is because they actually read the bible and prayed at those retreats, and when they come back, they don't. No wonder hardships come back.

Psalm 139 tells us to search our heart and confess. And we can do that over and over again to try to feel God, but our faith is much more than a feeling. Satan wants us to waste most of our lives wondering how close and how far we are from God. James 4 says, "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you."

A lot of times, people say, "I want to get closer to God." What do people mean by that? God's already close to you. When we actually realize the truth of how close God is already to us, then we can just live it out and take that step. It's not a matter of feeling or not feeling because God's already close to us. Now, how does that change how we live each day? We don't need to shout to get God's attention, he's right here. Just be honest with him and watch him transform our lives.

Too Busy

To post more later..

I just stumbled upon an old email I read. It was with my brother Jason back in 2008. Reading it made me feel really sad, there are so many things that changed, and I couldve done something about it if only....

There are so many things that still havent changed..

Sometimes, I could be used in a way that didnt hurt people.
I didnt realize my "busy-ness" have affected and taken tolls in other peoples lives.
So many of my values have been consistent over the past couple of years,
Praise God for that.

There are so many things I have to reflect and work on... Man oh man.
I felt like I just got slapped in the face and my heart sank reading it.
I'm not perfect and I know that, but its hard to face that I couldve done more.

Topic of the Week: Hurricane Irene

Here's something I won't forget about this weekend:

Walking into Pathmark, I've never seen lines so long before.

Entering the water section. The whole entire bottled water section was empty 

but the right side (soda section) remained full.

People were over worried, super markets were getting free marketing from the hurricane, 

tons of events were cancelled. Result: Hurricane ended up become just a tropical storm.

Well, praise God because we probably wouldn't have wanted to enjoy that hurricane anyway

 no matter how much we expected it. I was getting tired of hearing that word.

Bye Hurricane Irene!

Chinese Landscape Painting by Mom

Wonder why me and none of my siblings got this skill/talent from her? Haha.

Nyack

Most recent update in life: So far so good.
I'm halfway of completing my application process.
Major concern now is to study for a whole course in a span of less than two weeks and actually pass it.
The way that it's going right now, I'm not too worried because I can see that God's with me every step of the way. Whatever happens, happens. I'm pretty excited.
The environment is definitely a place I'd enjoy and learn from.
I love how it's integrated upon Christian principles.

I'm praying that all goes well.
God willing, grad school here I am come.
There are struggles and minor attacks that are trying to put me down mentally and emotionally,
but God I trust you.

Three times, I heard this verse yesterday.
Romans 8:28 -- one of my favorites -- "And we know that God always works for the good of those who love him, who are calling according to his purpose."

Weight Lifted.

Since coming back from DR, I feel much lighter, a little more free and a lot less stressed. I think after unloading my aggravations to some have helped me to not feel that have a bottle full of anger ready to explode. Struggles are there of course, and I'm very anxious about this big leap of faith of just applying for grad school two weeks before the semester starts. But somewhere in there, I'm at peace that it's gonna be alright.

Taking some time off and really just refocusing myself back to God is really helpful. Let's see where studying and these applications take me the next two weeks. I'm kind of excited, but if it doesn't fall through, I have next semester and can work things a different way, but I trust that it's possible. All things are possible with God.

Don't ever get God mad.

If we disobey God, he can really get nasty.

Leviticus 26:27-35 (MSG)

"and if this-even this! doesn't work, and you still won't listen, still defy me,
I'll have had enough and in hot anger will defy you,
punishing you for your sins seven times over:

famine will be so severe that you'll end up cooking and 
eating your sons in stews and yours daughters in barbeques;
I'll smash your sex-and-religion shrines and
all the paraphernalia that goes with them,
and then stack your corpses and
the idol-corpses in the same piles- I'll abhor you;
I'll turn your cities into rubble;
I'll clean out your sanctuaries;
I'll hold my nose at the "pleasing aroma" of your sacrifices.
I'll turn your land into a lifeless moonscape-
your enemies who come in to take over will be shocked at what they see.

I'll scatter you all over the world and
keep after you with the point of my sword in your backs.
There'll be nothing left in your land,
nothing going on in your cities.
With you gone and dispersed in the countries of your enemies,
the land ,empty of you, will finally get a break and enjoy its Sabbath years.
All the time it's left there empty,
the land will get rest,
the Sabbaths it never got when you lived there."

BUT, if we do confess our sins...

Leviticus 26:44-45 (MSG)

"... I won't reject or abhor or destroy them completely.
I won't break my covenant with them:
I am God, their God.
For their sake I will remember the covenant with their ancestors whom I,
with all the nations watching,
brought them out of Egypt in order to be their God.
I am God."

God's no joke. He's a serious God.

Dominican Republic Missions 2011

This is my fourth years in Dominican Republic Missions. It was a blessing and I'm glad I got to have a lot of bonding time with my BASICs. Working with Missionary Kim's family was definitely different. Got to meet and interact with many kids from Sonoma Church, Grace Church and Ebenezer Church. Sad thing is that it's unlikely we will be able to keep in touch with them or possibly even meet them again. Breaks my heart. It's always such a blessing to go abroad and meet so many awesome new people, but it hurts so bad when I think about never really seeing them again in this lifetime.. or even in the near future.



DR TEAM leaves to DR! :)





Nicole from Grace Church. She made sure to always save a seat for me and push everyone else off.



Carlos & Yuyi from Sonoma Church. They helped us learn more Spanish Vocabulary. Loved them!



Dana & Escarlin, the sweetest things. Dana made sure she was everyone's center of attention. Escarlin was just sweet.



My ROOMMATE and the only other girl on the missions trip. WAH* Didn't take a picture with Mary!



Leisure time on the streets of Santo Domingo.



The alternative beach we went to with LACK of waves. So, we kayaked...with one oar.



Communication.

As I help him in the late hours of the evening all the time, I often get frustrated and very angry when what I perceive are negative comments are thrown at me though he means it for good. "You don't know how to read this?... Oh my gah, tsk tsk you really need to go learn, you should've just went to Taiwan for a year." or "Oh my gah, you really need to improve your English, read more and observe how others write it, your already 23, your not a kid anymore, you need to know stuff." or as we're looking through an informative website: "Your 23, you don't know what these means, what did they teach you in school? Oh my gah, go read and research more about it" (And that's for a million things). I sit there and help him out of love and care, and I'm sure he sits there and asks for my help so that we can build more relationship but I wish he could better communicate with me and not put me down with his tone of voice. Of course all the things are right and good and with great intentions, but I'm only one person, and I'm trying to balance his tasks and duties along with mine, and everything ends up just becoming a mess and I become a mess. When I reaason with him or have had enough of him, I communicate with a very negative tone and then he goes, "If you're like this in the future, no one will want to hire you, and you will fight a lot in your future relationships." What? I only give this bad response after sitting with him for eight hours and being unintentionally put down. I try so hard to look at his positive sides, but it really gets to me at the end of the day and my self esteem just getes shot down lower.

A couple of weeks ago, Pastor observed this about his children. When the mother rebukes the children, the children will take it in, forget about it later, and love the mom like normal in a couple of hours. When the father rebukes the children, the hold the feeling in and all of a sudden their feeling of self-worth decreases. It seems as if fathers words always lay heavier on a child. Pastor put it into great words, that's the exact feeling I feel. I give respect to him, with all the wisdom, knowledge, love he tries to give, the good intentions behind his talks, but when it comes to a talk from him, I feel more self-worth decreasing.

I wish humans knew how to better communicate with each other. If we both worded things better, none of this would have to happen. I don't blame him, it's who he is and he's trying to be a good father, habits are hard to break, but it just hurts and bothers me a lot. God, help me to try to continue to take the good, and look past the negatives.

Right Footed Chick!

There's this lady, and she's born without arms, her name is Jessica Cox. http://www.rightfooted.com/

I received a chain letter from my dad with a whole inspirational powerpoint about her.

She is the first woman without arms to earn an unrestricted pilot’s license. She has earned two Black Belts in Taekwondo. She is the first documented person without arms to scuba dive and like Bethany Hamilton, she would not let missing arms keep her from surfing. Currently, Jessica is an international motivational speaker, who has travelled as far as the Philippines, to help audiences overcome their greatest adversities.

I think the pictures above explains it all.

The question is: What is preventing us from reaching for the stars?

I miss her.

Johnson sent me this picture to update me on things they were doing in Asia. One of the pictures he sent me was this one. Everytime I look at my grandma, it really melts my heart. Aside from the fact that she never smiles in pictures, she really left a lasting impact in my life. Those 3 weeks with her last year will never leave me. It was only the first time meeting her ever in my life, but everytime I think about her, I miss her to the point that it makes me tear/cry. I've never missed somebody so much in my life and for this long. There is just something about my grandma that I love so much. God willing, after the missions to the Philippines next year, I'll be able to go visit Taiwan once again and see her. I wish we could see her more often... I miss you grandma.... :(. God, I pray that you would keep her safe, healthy, and that you would bless her with joy and peace in her life always.

Challenge 2011

Being part of the Challenge Band was great. We've been playing for the past couple of years and it seems as if every years seems to be improving. The only downside about it was the physical drain. By the end of the retreat, I had no more energy and needed some major rest.

Tom Richter gave some great messages  throughout the conference. He definitely knows how to communicate and break the Bible down in a very easy to understand manner.

Here are some of the things he spoke about:

• The Greatest Commandment
• Matthew 13:44 -- Parable of the Hidden Treasure
  "God is not taking something FROM you, he's getting something TO you."
  "Girls always like to find a bargain, God is not one."
  Story of the pearl necklace... if it means so much to you...Tiffany necklace.
• Romans 3:10 -- "There is no one righteous, no not one."
  If you worship worthless things, you become worthless.
  Righteousness = Perfection
• The Corinthian Grid -- What does the Bible say about...?
  Things are bad, Christ is hope.
  
  1. I Corinthians 8:9-13; Mark 9:42
  Principle: Do not cause others to stumble.
  Application: Does this cause others to stumble?
  
  2. I Corinthians 6:12a, 10:23-24; Galatians 6:8
  Principle: Do things that will profit my relationship with Christ
  Application: Does this profit my relationship with Christ?
  
  3. I Corinthians 6:12
  Principle: Do not allow yourself to be mastered by anything except Christ.
  Application: Could this master me and get me in its control?
  OR Could I be totally content without this in my life?
  
  4. I Corinthians 9:19, 22-23a; 10:33
  Principle: Do all things for the sake of reaching others with Christ.
  Application: Does this help or hinder me reaching others with Christ?
  
  5. I Corinthians 10:31
  Principle: Do everything for the glory of God.
  Application: Does this glorify God?
  
  6. I Corinthians 6:18; Mark 9:43-47
  Principle: Do not put yourself in situations of obvious temptation.
  Application: Does this tempt me against God’s will?
• John 12:1 -- We all worship.
  "I always wanted my daughter to be a respectable Christian but not a real one."
  You already are responsible for living right, let's live smart about it.

The more I think and pray about my future, I'm so lost and stuck but at the same time, I really know what I want. That's for a whole different blog.