Be Holy for I am Holy

Earliest this week, my boss messaged me while we were working. Conversation went like this:

Boss:  Hi.
me:  HI

Boss:  The Lord did place on my heart this morning to ask you to do a short devotional and open in prayer at our Thursday morning meeting...What do you say??
me:  Sure. Any particular devotional topic? 
Boss:  I think the Lord has already given it to you.
me:  Yeah? Okay, I will seek the Lord for it then. 
(We sit just a couple of feet from each other. He bursted out laughing because of my comment and said... "Was I wrong?" 
me:  I do feel like God has been reminding me of something the past two days but I didn't think that pertained to work. But maybe it does, not sure, that's why I will seek the Lord for it. 

All week long, I was asking God what he wanted me to share with the team about. I mean, I felt like God has been reminding me that there's a light at the tunnel through the David Jeremiah concert (to blog more about) and the conversation with my friend from DR. I was reading the Bible this week and nothing really stood out for me and I kept wondering if that personal thing God had for me was for the team too.

Then, this morning, I thought came to me. Leviticus 11:44. During my quiet time last Saturday morning, this was the verse that stood out to me. This was what came to mind and I couldn't believe I didn't think about this earlier! This was the verse I was looking for!

So here was the devo before the team meeting:

“I am the Lord your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy.” - Leviticus 11:44

Throughout the book of Leviticus, God establishes all these rules for the Israelites and in Chapter 11, God gives the Israelites specific regulations concerning animals, birds and every living thing that moves about in the water and on the ground. He specifically distinguishes between the unclean and the clean, the animals that should be eaten and should not be eaten. Towards the end of the chapter, God says, “I am the Lord your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy.” Then he reminds the Israelites once again what makes them unclean and says to them, “I am the Lord, who brought you up out of Egypt to be your God; therefore, be holy, because I am holy.” 

Holy means being set apart for God, that means being set apart in everything we do -- whether we are at work, school, home, church, whatever it is. As I was reading this, that particular verse stood out to me because sometimes, it’s so easy to lose sight of God and the plans that he has for us. When things start becoming stressful, frustrating and anxiety provoking, we start to complain, we start to conform to the patterns of the world and the focus becomes about me, me, me and it no longer becomes about God. I don’t know if that’s true for you, but that’s how it always is for me. The past two weeks, God has been putting me in my place, he continually reminds me that it’s not about me; it’s about Him. He is the Lord my God and I need to be holy because God is holy.  

God works funny because not only does he reveal that to me in His word but the past two weeks, he put certain things in my place to show me that it’s all about Him. I had a friend I went to college with who was an international student from Dominican Republic. Through years and years of God disciplining her and stripping her from her own desires and passions to follow his will, she felt the tugging to go to Russia to live there and share the gospel by working in orphanages. She finally obeyed, bought a one way ticket to Russia, packed her bags, and moved their last week. For her life, God was telling her, “I am the Lord your God, consecrate yourself, and be holy as I am holy.” 

A couple of days later, I went to the David Jeremiah event and the whole focus of the event was about the Bible, and how God speaks to us through his Word and reading his Word changes us. Again, God was reminding me to be holy, he is the one who brought me out of the wilderness to where I am now in my life, it was Him who changed me, and therefore I must be holy because he is holy. So even in my seasons of discouragements, God continuously reminds me that there is a light at the tunnel and be set apart because he is set apart.

Earliest this week, the boss said that God placed in his heart for me to do a short devotional and open in prayer. This is something that he has placed in my heart recently and hopefully this verse was able to speak to you personally as it did for me.

It's a good feeling to know that even in my dark times, God still works through me. In that, I'm blessed.

After the meeting, the boss said: "You know, sometimes, I question myself if God is really putting on my heart a specific something or not, but what you just shared confirmed it."

Then, my coworker said: "Just wanted to say, You did an excellent Job with the devotion today.  That was all Holy Spirit girl!! Preach it!!  I felt the power!! I was ready to sing! worship"

I'm so undeserving of this. All I do is complain complain complain when things are not going right, but God is still faithful. Thanks God for encouraging me when I most need it.

A Little Boost

Sometimes, it's so easy to lose sight of God and the plans he has for us. I know that happens to me all the time. It's so easy for me to go back into the slumps where everything becomes stressful, frustrating, anxiety provoking. It doesn't feel good, actually it feels horrible. But, there are other times, when I hear stories from friends that I haven't seen in a long time, and when I hear them, God puts me back in my place. He continuously reminds me that it's not about me, it's about Him. I just have to trust him in the process. This friend never encourages me by trying to teach me a lesson or whatever, she just shares stories about her own personal life and the way that God pulls through for her each and every single time. That pulling through never has to do with her own personal passions, she had to forsake all of that long ago, but it's whatever God willed for her to do, that's what she does. She had no other choice but to depend on God these past couple of years in her life and to see her trust in God and pull through every step of the way has been so encouraging. There was not one moment in time it was easy for her, but she just gave it up and gave it to God. Tonight, a lot of what she shared reminded me of the blessings that God had in store for me this past year. For the both of us, we would've never thought that God would have brought us where we are 3 years after college. Who would've thought I was going to be married and who would've thought her next chapter in life was going to be in Russia? Recently, it's just been hard for me, I'm not sure why but I feel dry. It's not anything particularly wrong that is going on, but I just don't feel anything. But tonight, I'm reminded about God's grace and His mercy over our lives. What's most amazing is not the end result of things, but the miracles and process that happens along the way, the struggles and hardships that led to the end results. I'm so thankful to God for people like these. Sometimes, I just need a little boost and today, I got that little boost to move forward and help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. More to post later about a recap of this year.

Procrastination

This semester, its procrastination at its worst. I've been in no mood to get started on any of my essays and it's causing me to be stressed and all. No bueno. Three days before Hawaii, I gotta finish everything now. Gah. 

Stressed

There are always those seasons where stress takes over and I'm anxious all the time. I actually hate the feeling. It feels like a knot in my stomach, sometimes even in my head or in my heart and it's very annoying. These are one of those seasons where it's causing me to lose focus on the things I need to do, I'm extremely unproductive by worrying so much, and I'm just sensitive to everything. I can't afford to let my feelings get in the way. I have an assignment due every week but I just want to go on vacation and get away from everything. It's really so useless to be overworked.

Fall 2013

School started and I'm not sure how much I look forward to this coming semester. I feel like there is just TOO much going on. Of course, I'm grateful to be in the place where I am right now. God literally blessed me with every single thing I had asked for. Now I just need to learn how to balance all of it without getting burnt out. My schedule starts at 9AM everyday and ends either 7, 8, or 9PM. Sometimes I wonder what I've done to myself. I'm going to have to be dealing with this for two years. At the same time, I'm grateful to have such opportunities. One thing I know for sure is that I'm going to have to make a lot of sacrifices. I also want to have enough time for myself to have some rest.

The past month has been difficult. It was my first time experience registration season at the job and wow, we really don't get a chance to breathe because everyone just happens to be last minute. Registration week affected me physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Everything. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath and by the end of the day, I was just so exhausted which caused me to feel unproductive in every aspect of my life. I thank God for such a great husband to make my life easier in so many ways. Without him, I'd probably collapse. I'm not sure if it's normal for a job to overwork people in this way, but it's definitely a learning experiencing. I've learned my mistakes from this year and am going to figure out a way to become more efficient by next year.

Tomorrow's my first day of actually sitting in the counselor position. All this time, I've been learning all this book knowledge about counseling, and now I actually get to put it into practice. There's so many emotions going on because it's my first time. I have a bunch of clients lined up already, more than I had expected for the first couple of weeks of school. And God willing, if this goes well, I won't need many more clients to fill up my time slots.

This is not going to be an easy semester. God, please help me as I strive to be faithful and excellent in all the things you are calling me to do. I already feel the stress, I already feel the burden, but may I find peace in you as I do all of this.

Stress

There are periods of my life where I just feel really stressed and overwhelmed by things, for some reason this week was one of them. I think about it, and I feel like I lay it all on myself and I'm too hard on myself that it makes it hard to handle. But at the same time, it's so meaningless because there's no need to be stressed at all because I know that my life is not my own and I'm not in control. But it's interesting because the pattern seems to be that when I get to these times, I'm forced to rely on God even more so than I usually do and all of a sudden, God does something miraculous and I get knocked off my get about how amazing he is. 

My commute

In a normal week, the typical time I set aside for bible reading and prayer is during my commute back and forth from the city. Although not an ideal spot to spend my alone times with God, but that's when I have my me myself and I time. Over the weekend, I took a day off work to go to six flags. I had a great time but one thing it did take me off of was my  normal routine. I realize that when I don't read the bible and pray, my day feels different, it feels empty, I feel a little anxious. It's weird, but just like I need  to feed myself with physical food, I need to intentionally feed myself with spiritual food as well. Normally, I always have the other pray for us before we go to sleep every night but the past couple of days, we had been coming home so late at night that it causes us to be too tired to do anything. It makes a difference in how I sleep, how I wake up, everything. 

Also, I have a coworker that often tells me that she wakes up early in the morning to "pray things through". I give her a lot of props for doing that because its very difficult for me to wake myself up at a certain time to do anything. Over the weekend, I sort of felt that way... Where I feel like I needed and wanted to pray things through, I'd feel like something is missing if I didn't and part of me was glad that the weekday was coming again so that I could go back to my normal routine.

A lot of times I feel like my coworker talks too much. Although a very spiritual lady, I'm still fairly new at my job and the learning process slows me down from completing what I'm supposed to on one. Many times, she gets caught up in telling me a story, and those stories are great and all because they're always intended to be an encouraging story, but as a new employee, I'm still learning and I can't pay attention to talking and my work at the same time. Well, although I feel that way every so often, she does speak a lot of truth. Example: I often tell her that my wrist hurts from sitting at the computer too long and I feel like I have carpel tunnel syndrome. She immediately responds, "don't claim it". That's true, why in the world am I claiming pain onto my body. This weekend, I was more intentional about not claiming something like that because it becomes psychosomatic and all in my mind. 

Anyway, every time I have my phone around me, I'll squeeze in looking at instagram or Facebook or the like, not for any particular reason, but just for the sake of scrolling through pictures on social media website. For some reason, I felt like this weekend, I was on social media very often, and it's actually pretty draining and I get just about nothing out of it. I think I'm gonna make a deal with myself to only go on social media once a day. Actually, I'm just tired of looking at my phone and checking it all the time, such a bad habit.

God I commit this day to you, I want to start off my morning by giving it over to you. 

Balancing and Adjusting

From the outside perspective, it seems like I hang out with the others friends much more than mine. As I reflect on who we spend the most time with, it's actually our family members. Both of us seem to have a lot of family members and they take up most of our free days, which essentially is Saturday. We both see our family members very often and I appreciate that we have a good relationship with them. Although it is unfortunate because there are so many friends to catch up with and hang out with, but unfortunately there is only one available day of the week (at least for now because of the school schedule and life adjustments). And on top of that, I love making new friends and sometimes I wonder why I do that because its already hard to maintain relationships with those I already have aside through technology. Still trying to figure out a good balance. 

One major change since being married is the financial factor. Although I try not to make it a stressor in my life because I know that if I'm wise with my finances and if I know that God always provides, I shouldn't be worried, I still do. The biggest thing is just more responsibility and more bills, and now I actually have to be mindful of what we are spending our money on in order to be sure that we will have enough to pay bills and such throughout the month. Since being in the financial peace class, I've been intentionally thinking about budgeting and how to handle my money. It's been quite difficult but it'll take a couple of months to find a balance of what to spend where. The past month, I haven't touched my credit card or my wallet, and the only thing we've really spent money on is our necessary expenses like grocery shopping, travel and bills. It feels good to bring healthy food from home every day and not have to buy city priced food from the deli. The only hard part I'm having trouble budgeting is the "hang out and entertainment" expenses. It seems like there's not much wiggle room to go out to eat at restaurants and such but many times it seems like its inevitable because there's always a persons birthday to go to or a special event to attend. I'm so privileged to have great friends to be able to attend events all the time but I'm still learning a balance. But, I realize that I love eating at home cooked food. 

One thing I love about the other and I is that we can fun without the use of substance. Yesterday we went to a birthday party at a lounge and it was casual and alcohol involved. Watching him dance around, being entertaining and not needing to use alcohol to have fun was a blessing to me. I love that we truly find joy in The Lord and can have fun anytime and everywhere. 

One thing I'm not really looking forward to is this coming Fall semester. I already feel the stress and the pressure of the crazy schedule I'm going to have and the amount of time I'm going to invest at work, internship, school, and that's just the least of it. My work schedule in the summer has been pretty hectic even with just forty hour work weeks. Work is never boring, there's always something to do, there's actually never enough time to finish anything, even working overtime and trying to finish work. I put so much heart into work that after work I become so exhausted.

There are many times recently where I purposely become unproductive after work hours and not want to do anything because I'm just tired and exhausted from a long day. This fairly new job, this new married life, the upcoming internship, the finishing of school, there's so many adjustments and I'm still learning to balance everything. 

Truth & Love

Today's small group was interesting. The funniest thing was when three guys were fighting about what was right for a guy who was struggling. All of them were giving their own feedback and confess.

One was emphasizing on the scripture and talking about hope through scripture.

Another one was using scripture as well and using his own personal life experiences.

The other one didn't agree with both of them and told them both to shut up. He told the guy that there's nothing any of us could do and talking won't solve anything. He told the guy to just give up.

Anyway, it became very tense and intense for a couple of minutes but the result was that all of us realized how much care and love everyone had for each other.

One guy was speaking truth to the person's life.

The other guy was speaking love into the person's life.

The last guy who doing both.

All of it was necessary.

There were so many emotions today. But only through the tenseness and seriousness was everyone able to see the heart that all of them had for the guy who was struggling.

Another interesting thing I noticed today was that the past month, each small group focused on one particular person each week. It wasn't intentional, everything just happened naturally, but there was always a topic that came up that focused on one person's issues and dealing with them and praying over them. All of them led to very serious talks that required us to give it up to Christ and draw us closer to Christ.

God is amazing. He meets all of us in such personal and unique ways.

Lastly, this small group has been going on for exactly a year (and two weeks to be exact). This small group has went a long way. I shared with them what our first prayer requests were when we first started this small group and every single prayer request has been answered since last year. It's amazing to see where God can bring a small group in a year for as long as we just make ourselves available to meet.

In so many ways, this is church for so many of them. This is a place where people are able to be themselves, speak openly and still be God centered. It's edifying, encouraging and most of all, God moves, it's crazy. We have shared so many emotions with one another, we have shared ups and downs together during small group time together, we've witnessed prayer, laughter, tears, anger, care, appreciation, friendship, all different types of food, everything!

I look forward to how God is going to work this group. I'm exciting to see how everything will look like years from now. When I look at the small group, I have so much hope. I can so see all of them work together in the ministry in the long run to build the body of Christ and reach out to more people.

One Month

Whoah, I've been officially married for exactly one month already, that's crazy. Time flew by so quickly.

In the beginning, we weren't ecstatic about the place we are living in because everything's just really old, but the more we're in it, the more we're appreciating it and glad that we have that place. We're still working on a lot of stuff in the home, the other has been such a blessing because he's been doing ALL the handiwork.

Ever since we've been married, the other seems to be so much more patient, loving, caring, and all. Most of all, he seems to be at a lot of peace, so it's nice to be around him. Maybe now he has more of an opportunity to show his love. Thus far, I've been doing all the cleaning and he's being doing all the handiwork and cooking. I've been helping him cut things and doing the preparation in whatever capacity I can.

Coming home everyday and grocery shopping and cooking is so time consuming. By the time I come home from work and the by the time we finish eating dinner, it's already the end of the night and we're too tired to do anything other than be unproductive. We have to find a more efficient way of living, lol.

So far, he's been the house husband and I'm the working wife.

Recently, I've also been in no mood to focus in school. I have one more paper due for the summer tomorrow and I can't get myself to focus and do it. After a long work day, I'm having a hard time gathering my mind to study and focus on academics. These are the times when I wish I wasn't in school. Sometimes, I just want to relax and be unproductive. I've been doing that very often during the weekends.

Other than that, this month has been a blessing. I'm blessed to be with him and I'm looking forward to the rest of our life together.

Work

When I walk into a room fill with people that are praying, many times, I feel such a strong presence of the Holy Spirit in the room, it's overwhelming.

It's such a privilege to do that with staff and faculty at the workplace. I'm so blessed to be part of a community that sets time apart out of their workday to seek God and put Him first as a community.

It's encouraging and it no longer makes work feel like work. Work is a ministry, we care for our students and pour into them because we know that God put them here for a purpose.

Send Us Out

I'm always ready to say to God, "Here I am, send me!" Wherever he wants to put me, I'm willing to go. I know that's a risky statement because it can literally be anywhere, but I trust the plans he has for me..

As I was reflecting on embarking in my new journey at a new church, in a new home, with a new family, it's a bittersweet moment. I miss my home church of course, but at the same time, I'm glad that God is opening up a new chapter in my life. I see it as God sending me out on a mission. I've been trained, I've grown so much in my home church and now I'm ready to be sent out to make an impact in the new community I'm in. Now I look at my new church as a mission field. It's a place where I'm totally not accustomed to, the place needs growth, I'm definitely not as comfortable as I was in my old church. It's JUST like the mission field.

Since attending the new church, the other has started splitting up the group to make it single gender groups. I took the girls and he took the guys. The group of girls I'm working with grew up in church, have not really found their purpose in God and are just going to church just because their parents said so. It's only a couple of them for now, but it'll be exciting to see how God uses them and brings others to Christ. It reminds me of the old days when I used to lead the girls at my old church. Brings back good and joyful memories.

Cuba Trip

Many mission trips: first one where I've been on a religious visa. It was a privilege to know that we had a right in a communist country to share the gospel. 

They don't have McDonald's, coco cola nor any American products, including cheese. The pastor even had to go out of the way to hunt for cheese. But none the less they are ordinary people just like you and me.

This was the first mission trip which we did not have to be so much trained but just prayed up before we were sent out to meet people. I felt privileged that the leaders of the mission team trusted God and trusted the students to go out and share Jesus in whatever way God was leading me too.

I LOVE how our team had such a culture of unity. There was a culture shock for me even in the team, because all of us come from different ages and cultures. We all come from different upbringings and denominations, different styles of worship, but we were all able to work together in unity for one sole purpose, Jesus Christ. It was amazing to see how great we were able to work together. Not only that, it was great to get to know my classmates outside a classroom context and hearing all their personal narratives and story.  I'm so glad that god chooses to use us as part of his story.

One example is: in one of the home visits we went out to, I went with a latasha, Christian, some of the locals from Cuba and two men from the states, one from Oklahoma and one from Wisconsin. There are different ways to present the gospel. One shared through the gospel through healing and another through relationship. It opened my eyes to see that even in the states, there are so many differences but the gospel is still shared nonetheless.

One thing that amazed me was how active the home church base was so active. They receive mission teams many times a year and so there are always people actively serving the people here in Cuba.  I spoke to many of the missionaries there who were from the states and heard many of their testimonies. I'm just so amazed at how God is using people who have been changed, transformed and renewed in Christ and passionately going out to different countries to share the love of Christ.

One of the main reasons why I was so excited to go to Cuba was to see their house church movement. Recently in my church,  our pastor has been trying to promote the house church movement to strip away from the traditional church and go back to the basics. One thing I learned was that there is such a need for house churches In Cuba and house churches are birthed so naturally there because people are desperate to come together corporately to worship god.  It made my perspective change because we as Americans are so privileged to have real physical church buildings. Ten years ago, there were four house churches, today they have 72.  They had a great system in place not just to preach the gospel, but follow up where their workers can be trained to continue to serve him until older.  One of the house church members we worked very closely was a young lady who was 24 years old and grew up in the church. She didn't grow up in the faith but through children ministry outreach events, she came to be saved and so did her mother. 

I was most blessed by some of the seminary students who took their time to stay with us the three days we were in the seminary. They are typically busy studying and involved in their own ministry but they took the time to spend with us. We shared many nights staying up late, shared testimonies with each other.  One conclusion nichole realized after debriefing with each other is that God chose each and everyone us, not because of our own works, but he hand picked us and used us exactly where we were in our own personal lives for his own glory.

Today, Carlos had said that he was so grateful because he really did not want to take the time out but he did out of obedience to his professor. Yosneis said that he really appreciated how we went out of our way to interact with everyone here, not just the students but the workers and kitchen ladies as well. It's all about different perspectives. Some will say there are no more Christians in Cuba but Cuba says "Christ never left"

To wrap it up, one mission team member whose name is LeRon said a quote: I don't know why I'm so amazed but everyone God does something, I'm so amazed!!!

Nyack Testimony

I'm SO blessed to be part of an AMAZING team at work. They bless me so much.

Yesterday, at the SFS appreciation day, the director had asked for me to share my testimony. Here it goes.

Since enrolling into Nyack College, my life has changed. God has directed my path and brought me to what I feel is where I am supposed to be in this moment of my life. About three years ago, I knew nothing about Nyack College except the fact that it was a Christian school. During that time of my life, I was in a transition out of college crisis. I had graduated from Baruch College with a marketing degree and I was determined and excited to find a position in the marketing field.  Fast forward a year later, that didn't happen, and all the jobs I was looking for didn't seem to suit me.  As I was looking through job postings, the only jobs that stuck out to me were non profit organizations with the mission to reduce extreme poverty, promote social justice, or things of that nature. I saw myself being in the front lines and helping those type of people rather than being in the back making marketing advertisements for the organization. To me, I felt more value in serving and interacting with people face to face. During that time, I had a couple of close friends who knew me very well. All at different times in different conversations, they had suggested for me to look into counseling and possibly enroll back in school for further education. I responded to all of them kindly and said, "Thanks but no thanks. I graduated with a business major and that's what I want to stick to." Not knowing God had bigger and better plans for me, I wanted to take control of my own life. Not too long after, a non Christian friend had told me to go look into Nyack College, she heard it had a counseling masters program. I decided to look at Nyack's Website, I browsed through all the masters programs that Nyack offered, particularly the MBA, but the counseling program stuck out to me the most. I attended an open house, was actually totally turned off by Nyack and didn't think about Nyack until three months later, I was catching up with an old friend who was already working in the business field for years. She had told me she was in the process for applying at the mental health counseling program at Nyack college and she's having a great experience going through the application process. I asked her who she spoke to and contacted that admissions counselor myself.  She was amazing, I felt like she actually cared for my situation and so I decided to apply. There were some prerequisite class that I needed to take because I didn't major in psychology in college, and a week later, thank God, I was accepted. Since that day, my life changed. A friend from college whom I met at Intervarsity christian fellowship started working in graduate admissions part time, she heard I was Interested in being more involved in Nyack college and so she referred me to a part time position that was available in undergrad admissions. There, God was able to use both my business and administrative skills as well as my people friendly skills for the position i was in. I felt so thankful to God for doing so. I got the job, and the first week I started the job, I was asked to do a task that was not in my initial job description. That's where I met my husband whom I just got married to two weeks ago. During the engagement process with my fiance at the time, I was going through a lot of anxiety I had to trust God with in regards to my future. Right after I let that go and cast my cares upon God, God spoke through someone in Nyack college while she was seeking the Lord. In my four semesters of working at Nyack College, I've probably only shared one sentence with this woman, so one day she pulled me to the side and encouraged me to apply for the financial aid position at Nyack College. I was shocked and didn't know what to say because I was having an amazing time in the undergrad admissions office. I loved the team I was working with and wasn't ready to consider anything else. Anyway, after reflecting, I felt like this might have been a prayer to my anxiety and my fiance encouraged me to trust God with the situation. Though circumstances didn't seem possible for me to obtain the financial aid counselor position, I trusted God to make a way if this was what he was leading me to. Well God made a way and I'm here today. Not only that, I had anxiety over not being able to find an internship position that would be suitable for the full time job position as a financial aid counselor. Well, God made a way for that as well because God ended up giving me the internship position at Nyack College NYC campus which is just a couple of steps away from the SFS office in the new building. All this to say that God has been working in my life miraculously and it is all in a way which I least expect it. This is not how I imagined life to be after I graduated college but I couldn't have asked for a better experience. God has plans for us and all he requires for us is to be faithful to the task given to us. One verse that really stands out to me during this season of my life is Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your way acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. God is SO good, and through all the ups and downs, he makes a way. During my honeymoon, a song that stuck out to my husband was: "Great is the Lord."

Wedding Day

We've been married for about 20 days. Life hasn't settled down since then because I have school work school work constantly. Haven't got to take the chance to breathe and just reflect on how great God is.

BUT, praise report:

Days leading to the wedding day:

• I had work and school and had no time to plan for the wedding
• I was completely stressed out
• It was raining cats and downs for days
• I was afraid to take off work because I took days off work for Cuba already
• I got extremely sick and had to stay at home and be extremely unproductive.
• I had to miss work
• I also had to miss class
• It was horrible.

The day of the wedding:

• The sun came out at 5AM
• My health restored, I was able to speak again
• If I didn't get sick, I wouldn't have taken off three days of work and I wouldn't have been able to catch up on wedding planning things. Praise God that I got sick to be forced to take off work.
• Both he and I felt at so much peace about being together for the rest of our lives, no cold feet!

God is good. He confirms things to me in so many different ways, all I have to do is trust Him. Sounds easy but not always but worth it.

Eating Healthy

I have a tendency of going through a day without eating anything or being hungry for the sake of other tasks at work, school or whatever it is. This summer, Wednesdays are my busiest day and I don't create room for eating in my schedule. 10-6PM is work. In between work time, I have class from 2-3:30, which is supposed to be my lunch break. And from 6-9, I have class. I try to get food, but I'm always running (literally) from one place to the other that I don't have the time to stop and just grab a bite.

Yesterday, I told the other half that I didn't get a chance to eat.

He: I'm going to punch you in the face! (Joking)
Me: Please punch me.
He: But seriously, you're not single anymore. I eat healthy for you, and me. You need to eat healthy for me too.
Me: Yeah, you're right, I'll try my best to take the time out to eat.

It was a short conversation, but he's right. I'm not single anymore so I shouldn't just think for myself. It'll worry him when I'm constantly starving and losing weight, so I need to start eating and doing other things not just for the sake of myself but for him as well.

Ten Year Letter

I thought this was an amazing activity for my life coaching class.

Instructions: Write a letter to a close friend. Date in ten years from today. Assume that everything has gone according to your dreams and wishes. Give a summary of the prior ten years going back to today. Be specific. Include promotions, achievements, accomplishments, areas of growth, an spiritual changes. Keep in mind your gifts, values, passions, and visions as you write. 

When you are finished with this letter, read the letter to another person, preferably the one you wrote to. Discuss:

- your friends reactions

- how you felt about sharing what you have written

- what seemed most important to you, judging from the letter

- what you like best about what you wrote

- what things disappointed you

- what the letter said about your relationship with God

- how the exercise helped clarify your future direction

- what you can do to make your letters come true in reality

- what the letter says about your purpose for living

I propose that everyone should do this exercise! It's so fun! Write your own before you read mine.

My letter below: 

Written SP13.

Dear __________,

The past ten years have been such a journey! God has done great things and once again, He has proven himself to be faithful even when I am faithless. I look back and I'm so encouraged, I know that none of this was out of my own strength because Lord knows how weak I am, but God definitely did it again. 

Remember those times when I used to talk about how I wished that I could just be in my thirties already so that I don't have to go through the dreadful process of so many major life transitions in my twenties? I wanted life to just hand me what it needed to and start a stable life already. Well, I'm so glad that God brought me through the process because its only in this process that I get to taste Gods faithfulness. I must say it wasn't easy to get there but it was well worth the journey. 

Exactly ten years ago, I was experiencing the craziest transitions of my life. Right after getting accepted into AGSC, my whole life changed. I started off with a part time job in the admissions office and its at the job where I met my husband. Since then, I reconnected with amazing people along the way that I never thought to cross paths with again. After four semesters of AGSC and working part time in the admissions office at Nyack College, I went through some financial anxiety because I was engaged to my husband but didn't have the resources to start a future with him. God then blessed me with a full time job as a financial aid counselor at Nyack College working with a great team as well as allowing me to use both my business administrative skills and my counseling and coaching skills to help the students. During that time, I was also in the process of looking for an internship and three weeks after attaining the full time job, God blessed me with a part time internship at the counseling center in Nyack College as well. How crazy is that? 

Since that season on, God has just been doing some miraculous things in my life. I've been married ten years now, how time flies. My relationship with my husband has been better than ever before. Now we hold marriage workshops focusing on keeping God at the center of our relationships. Our four kids are still young, but they are cute as always. We bring them everywhere with us as they are a living testimony about how faithful God is in our lives.

In the past ten years, I've grown a lot at Nyack College and though I don't work full time there anymore, I'm still affiliated with Nyack College as an adjunct professor in the AGSC program. I had to give back to what was given to me! I've also had the opportunity to travel different places around the world with my husband to share the gospel and bless people. We go back every so often to visit where we left off to see how much God has worked through the believers there and to encourage our brothers and sisters abroad that our hope and our joy continues to be built on Jesus Christ alone.

My husband started a church when we first got married. Through much prayer and support with a core team of members, our church has been blossoming like no tomorrow. God has been sending people who are seeking after God and has been already moving in their hearts to make a personal commitment to him. Whats even more crazy is that a lot of our core team members were our long time friends who had recently given their life over to Christ. I cried tears of joy when that happened because its been a lifelong prayer of mine. Their drive and passion far exceeds mine and they are impacting the community like no tomorrow. The young people who met Christ in church have grown to be in positions of leadership where they have been loving God and loving people in their daily lives being devoted to fellowship and prayer just like the Acts 2 church. God always provides more than enough for us and I am so grateful that we have been called to be part of His story. I'm grateful to be part of an encouraging community that are living out their transformed lives and changing our culture in a God honoring way in their schools and work places. Week after week, encouraging testimonies are shared.

A couple of years ago, my husband and I had also started a counseling and coaching ministry since that was where my heart was. Though taboo in our culture, many other Asian American churches are seeing the value in doing something like this because hurt people do hurt people and nobody does nothing for no reason. Through Gods help, clients are taking steps to improve their lives and the clients in coaching have been the ones who take an active leadership role in their communities! It's been so inspiring to see their drive and ambition at such a young age. 

My family has been doing great. After the youngest graduated from HS, my parents decided to move into a smaller and more comfortable setting because they no longer needed the big house. My parents have been joyfully traveling around the world doing ministry together. The eldest finally graduated and got his MD-PHD, he's now in the neuroscience research field and he's been so blessed that he can't help but to be a blessing to others. The middle ended up starting his own business with a couple of his close friends from college. And the youngest graduated and actually is in the field he was always longing to be in - acoustical engineering. What I find so cool about my family is that we all are so unique in our own way, everyone has different gifts and talents and when we come together, it's like a bomb, it impacts. My family and my others family all live around the same neighborhood now so our relationships have been amazing, it's convenient to see each other often, and we are always there for each other. When we have free time, we walk around the neighborhood and befriend our neighbors. I thank God for such an amazing family. 

My close friends, it's funny because we've known each other for years now, and just a couple of years ago, we were reflecting on how crazy it was that we are all married. Now, we are laughing about that because we all have little kids running around. They live around the neighborhood as well so I can't for our kids to all be good friends when they grow up, they are already getting along so well. Back then, I felt like it was almost impossible with our busy schedule to meet each other and catch up and just share life together, but in rent years, either time has been slowing down or there have been more hours in the day, because now we still have the same crazy schedule as we used to, but we are able to do so much in a span of one day! And all the other friends from back then, they've all grown so much in The Lord, God has been just continuously answering all our prayers.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, did I tell you I learned to speak Korean and my husband learned to speak Chinese? Both of us were so adamant about being able to communicate with each other in our native languages that we've been actively practicing and taking initiative to learn. We are getting there! 

Honestly ________ , I can go on and on and on about how crazy life has been. It is true that it doesn't get any easier but it does get better! I can't wait to see how the next couple of years unfolds as it will be a new chapter of life again. 

Love,

Joan

Injustice

There are some things that infuriate me but it's so common and part of every day life its hard to escape it. 

Example: Right before the wedding day, the bridal party typically have bachelor/bachelorette parties. One common aspect of these parties are to hire strippers and go all out in these parties because it's the last time in a persons life where they are going to be single so why not make the most out of it. People are excited about this event not realizing that these strippers are actually people. I think it just makes me mad to see how people have fun at other peoples expenses. Although these strippers probably don't mind because they don't see the harm in it, but where's the value in the self? Why do people like to been seen as toys and objects? Where's the respect for a persons body or their own body? It's kind of sickening. I think about how if I had a child and knew that the person grew up to sell their bodies for some cash, I'd be furious. Or maybe they want that cash because they really have no where to sleep and they need some money to continue on for the night. It can be anything, but I just don't like the fact that there's no sense of respect in all that.

Another example: I've been on a cruise all week enjoying myself, relaxing, sleeping, not doing anything productive... All at the expense of these hard working people from third world countries who sign six month contracts at a time to make a living to be away from their families in order to support their families. The work probably 60-80 hour work weeks, they clean for us, they cook for us, they do everything in the background in order for us to sleep well at night. They break their backs just so that we can have fun. And they probably don't get paid a lot for their hard work either. That's real life. People don't just sit in offices all day and work in air conditioned offices on their computers and sitting through meetings. People are killing themselves out there to live and we fortunate people take so much advantage of that. 

Surroundings

This is definitely one of the most awesome moments of my life that are to be cherished day after day. 

I think about my surroundings and I'm so blessed to have all different type of environments where I can constantly grow in. 

Small group - I'm the quiet one in the group, the guys usually talk more and in group therapy terms, I'm a freeloader there because most of the time I'm absorbing all this information but I hardly share and speak. God moves so crazily in this group that no words can describe what kind of group this is. 

EMC - This is the group in which I've spent most of my life in. This is the group where I feel most comfortable and most myself in. Typically, I am the social butterfly in this group, I'm often one of the first to introduce myself to new people. I feel like this place is my home so I'm always going out of my way to make others feel like this is or this can be their home as well. This is the group where everyone is so different but we all fit perfectly together like a dysfunctional family. We know each other all too well. We understand each these jokes. Sometimes we are on the verge of strangling each other but nevertheless, we fit. 

School - This is the environment where I'm constantly reminded to be disciplined and diligent with my work. It's a non stop environment where studying is necessary, there's not much room to slack. There's always a challenge and there's always something new to learn and grow in. In this environment, I'm surrounded by a diverse group of people of all different cultures, ages, and backgrounds. I get to hear from all different types of perspectives and not just be stuck in my Asian American way of thinking and processing. Many times, it's relieving and freeing to be out of the Asian circle in which I'm so engulfed in.

Work - This is an environment where I'm surrounded by people who come from all different walks of life but our common trait is efficiency, organization, administrative duties, and all the work related terms. I thought that there were not many people in the world who can be so detailed and organized but this group of people proved me wrong and I have much to learn from them. Their experience in this field regarding financial aid far exceeds mine and I have a lot of learning to go. I'm often forced to humble  myself and ask for help because I'm still knowledgable in the field I'm in. It's such a challenge, it's tiring but it's rewarding to know the great team I'm surrounded by. 

Childhood friends - Ever since I decided to follow Jesus, many of the non believers I encounter are those that are seeking God and openly to hearing about him. My childhood friends are the main group of people where I'm reminded of what it's like to be in the world. Sometimes, I'm so engrained into the bubble I live in that I forget how the real world looks like. They continue to remind me to put life into perspective. They teach me how much urgency I need to have when it comes to letting others know who Christ is because it makes SUCH a big difference with and without Christ. 

Family - This group of people is the people I can be most honest with and vent about anything to. We all understand each other whether we want to or not because we grew up in the same household and developed a family culture like no other. These are the people that push my buttons the most, but at the end of the day, I know I always have family to rely on. This is the group I'm amazed at the most because its crazy to see how as we grow up, God is really using each of us as part of his story and I'm just so grateful we are part of it 

GCC - Now that I started a new chapter of life with my other half, a lot of things are in the process of changing. I'm not entirely used to it nor would it currently be my destination of choice. But I know that God has brought me here for a reason and for a purpose. This group actually reminds me of my childhood: the rigid and traditional structure of church and religion. It makes me feel a little bound by structure and lack of freedom to be me. (At least for now as I'm still adjusting.)  It reminds me of how EMC used to be when it first started: There are very few youth and young adults, most congregants are first generation middle-aged Korean Americans who are pretty set in their ways. It reminds me of EMC because there are sporadic spots of diversity and there's room for growth. 

I've been blessed with amazing surroundings and God is moving me into a new chapter of life where I'm moving on from the home I'm most comfortable in and to a brand new environment. Things won't be the same for sure and a piece of my heart is still left at my original home. But if the other does decide to stay here, I see how God can work and use us to magnify his name in this new surrounding. 

The other is great at studying and understanding the word, interceding, preaching and being fervent, passionate, intense about anything he puts his interests into. His passion is Christ, Christ is his everything, and I'm that sense, I'm confident that God is going to mold him, grow him and work through him in a mighty way. I, on the other hand, am a little different from him. I like working with people and I love being part of and doing small groups and making people feel at home. I feel like if we were together to start a ministry, we can both use our God given skills to complement each other in serving in the ministries. 

Anyway, the point of this blog is: I'm blessed to have wonderful surroundings. He's shaped me and grown me so deeply through these groups of people, and the above stated are just a few of the many groups and circles that I'm blessed to be part of. 

"I'm getting used to this."

At small group yesterday, one of the guys said, "I'm getting used to this" in regards to how God and him are on an interesting relationship where he's been testing God over and over again and Gods been proving to him how real he is. It's almost crazy to hear week after week the stories shares about how God would basically call him back to Him. 

In one of our mini conversations, I looked at him and said, "so you're really getting used to this huh?" He said, "yea, you must see this everyday and its like nothing for you." I thought about it and said yeah, actually things like this happen all the time but I'm always amazed; every time it happens, I'm still always so amazed. 

God encounters all of us in such unique and personal ways. What happens to each member in the small group is not alike in anyway. Our personality, character, way of life, hobbies... They are all different but man when we come together, it's really like a church. There's no way to explain the way and the lengths God takes to draw us back to him and cause us to have faith in him. 

The other half says; "this small group just keeps on getting better and better. I know I say this every week but this is the BEST small group we've ever had." It's funny because he says this every week. And it really is the best small group. There's not many meeting times where we walked away and said God was not working. 

Although I wish everyone can experience this goodness with me, I know and have hope that God would still meet everyone where they need to be met in a unique and personal way. 

Waiting on The Lord

Look upon each threatening circumstance as an opportunity to grow in your faith, rather than to retreat. How? Follow David's example.

First: Call to mind what you know to be true about God.
Second: Express what you need boldly.
Third: Wait. Let the fearful circumstance become God's opportunity to strengthen you.

Adapted from Charles R. Swindoll,Living the Psalms: Encouragement for the Daily Grind (Brentwood, Tenn.: Worthy Publishing, a division of Worthy Media, Inc., 2012). Copyright © 2012 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights are reserved. Used by permission.

Today, I need a miracle. After missing many days of summer classes and being gone from work for two weeks, I need a miracle to get through this day with the strength that only God can give. God, you know what's been going on in this season of my life, you know where you want to take me, would you take control today and do what you do best!

Another Country VS the U.S.

One thing noticeably different after returning from another country: all my body parts were fine when I was away. I felt healthy, I could see clearly because I was not looking at technology all day, I didn't have many pains. The moment we arrived back to the airport in the US, I felt my shoulders stiffing up as if I were siting at an office desk all day. It's strange. And all of a sudden, my knees start hurting probably due to the changing weather. Definitely a very uncomfortable feeling.

Adoption

God adopted us and took us to be part of his story. Wow.

The past couple of weeks, people keep reminding me that we are part of something bigger. The bigger picture is that we are part of Gods story. It's not about us.

God, would you show me what you are doing around me today and can I join you in what you are doing? 

--

Ever since I got just about every single one of my prayer requests answered, I've been so in awe of how crazy God is for doing such profound things in my life. God has been telling me through so many messages, though, that we are not living for ourselves. I thank God for blessing me, but he's reminding me that I'm just a small part of his ginormous plan. Whatever he's doing in my life is so minute compared to what he's doing in the world. Wow. I'm so blown away. 

Some points from the messages that stuck out to me:

- Speaker at HillsongNYC - 

What does it mean when Jesus redeems you and me? That means he purchased us. And guess what? Now he owns the right to your story and my story. I read the end of it, and we win! 

When God does something, it is a testimony that He is God. 

Wherever the ambassador steps, it's considered sovereign ground. We are not from this world, Christ sends us out as His ambassadors. Everywhere we step foot in, it is sovereign ground, it is kingdom ground. 

In order to inherit what is written on our parents will. Something has to happen. Our parents have to die. This is the last will of our Father and that's why we have to know His will. 

- David at Great Commission Church -
If Christ died for you, that means he died for such a great thing. If God killed his own son for you, what are you worrying about? This life is made for us to enjoy. 

- Pastor Chris Clayman at Ebenezer Mission Church - 
It is God's story and we are just simply a part of it as Gold unfolds. It's not just a part of our lives but it is our lives.

God is doing everything in and around you. God also wants ut to live that life. He doesn't need you but he chooses you. 

I'm Up.

You know those mornings where you just want to sleep in because you can? Well, I have that time today and I woke up at 9AM and couldn't go back to sleep! Gah! I may just go jogging or something and try to start a good habit.

Hands Extended

It makes me glad to know that I can make someone's day brighter just by simply helping them with something. At work today, I was speaking to a student and helping her understand her financial aid process as a last semester senior. She thanked me for spending the time to help her and give her advice and she was grateful because she said no one else has done that for her.

There have been many other students I've been introducing myself too and although I have to tell them bad news most of the time, they walk away with a different look on their face, not a bad one, but one that seemed grateful that someone treated them with kindness and some patience.

It might be because I'm still new at this job so I'm treating all the students nice. Perhaps I may be jaded eventually also because people keep coming in with the same stupid problem that they should know how to take care of themselves. But in the meantime, I'm grateful to know that I can bless someones day by just doing a small little task.

Prayer

It's very encouraging when every so often, someone tells me that they've been praying for me. Although I don't know if they are praying for me out of concern for me or praying for me because they are encouraged, but whatever the reason, there are people praying. Just knowing that is encouraging.

This week:
Previous Coworker: it will get better soon.. wanting to let you know, ive been praying for you... God definitely brought you here, im glad to cross paths w you!


Classmate:  yeah I have been praying for u girl

It's funny because I don't typically tell people out loud that I am praying for them, but now that I think about it, when people tell me they are praying for me, I get caught off guard but I feel encouraged and am thankful, would that help if I told others I was praying for them?

$100 an hour.

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make $100 an hour."
SON: "Oh! (With his head down).
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow $50?"
The father was furious.
DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"

SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"

SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do.

"Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Blessed

It's so funny that I've been so blessed lately by God but since so many of my prayers are being answered at the time time, I'm having a hard time balancing all of it. I'm so grateful for this season of my life but man oh man am I exhausted mentally and physically. I can't wait till a day comes sooner or later where I can just sleep in and relax for a couple of days.

Connects Best With

For homework, we had to ask some friends this question: "What kinds of people do I connect with best?"Below are some of the answers I received:

• From fiance -- "talkative people and people who are like you."

• From JHS friend -- "you can connect with anyone and everyone because you are just an awesome gal. But i guess you connect best with your peers or friends or anyone who shares similar beliefs as you."

• From brother -- "people who have capacity to understand or at least show empathy."

• From other brother -- "people who open up and trust easily."

• From church -- "I feel like you connect with people who is God seeking and comes to you but not clinging to every word you say and do. I think its the people you feel you are most comfortable, happy, and real/honest with are the people you connect with best."

• Close friend -- "In addition to connecting with people similar to your personality and all that jazz I feel that you connect best with people who are very transparent and genuine because you admire and respect that, and are that. And also people who are extroverts somehow which is weird because you're an introvert which contradicts the first part of what I said that you connect well with people with your kind of personality."

• Best friend -- "people in need of help. since you're a great listener, people who need some guidance comes to you? but you are friends with anyone."

• Close friend -- "You connect well with people who aren't lazy. I suppose that means you connect with people that take up responsibility and won't skirt around borders. You also connect well with positive people. For example, your bridesmaids are all positive and future looking people - like you! And lastly, people who share their opinions with you."

Trusting God

This is the theme of this season of my life.

Trust God for the Next Step
by Charles R. Swindoll

The mind of a man plans his way,
but the LORD directs his steps. 
Proverbs 16:9

Let me pass along an old motto of mine. It's guided me for well over thirty years and remains as appropriate now as the day it first slapped me alongside the head.

I try, I fail.

I trust, He succeeds!

Isn't that true? What simple counsel. Only eight words, yet how profound.

Bottom line: If you are moving in the energy of the flesh, you're doomed to fail. The old hymn says it well: "The arm of flesh will fail you, you cannot trust your own."

But when you trust the Lord God to give you the next step, when you wait in humility upon Him, He will open the doors or close them, and you'll get to rest and relax until He says, "Go.

My Own Personal Testimony

A couple of Sundays ago, I was sharing with some friends over lunch after service the great things God had been doing in my life recently and reasons why we should just surrender, let go and let God. I shared a lot of personal things that had been going on in my life recently that made me come to this conclusion. It wasn't a easy process but God always shown himself faithful.

After listening, a long time friend said: "Wow, Joan, remember back in the days where you said you used to never have your own testimony to share, well now you do. That's amazing."

When he said, it made me realize how different things have been the past couple of years. Back then, I used to always share encouraging stories, but they were never my own. It was always how God was working in the lives of others. I would be so encouraged I couldn't help but to share. But when people started to ask what was going on in my life, I didn't have much to share. I would just say life's going great, nothing crazy.

Recently, I have stories I can call my own! I've had so many testimonies to share because God's been working so crazily in my life that I just want everyone to know how faithful he is. All it takes is to surrender and give it over to God.

But of course, it's easier said than done.

Over the weekend, a friend and I were talking and I was sharing with him that my stronghold and weaknesses is my inability to trust God fully. It's always a battle because I'm such a planner and I am so driven that I worry a lot about how the future is going to look like. I tell myself I give it over to God, but deep inside, I'm still holding on to it. It's those tug-of-war battles that go on and on. But once I fight to the point I realize I really can't do it on my own, God starts miraculously working like no tomorrow.

Internship Secured!

Once again, God did it again! This morning, I got to work and was about to meet a student. I realized I got a missed call and a voicemail from the Nyack College NYC Counseling Center supervisor. Being a little nervous about what to expect because I had almost lost all hope in thinking that this internship site was even an option, I quickly heard the first ten seconds of my voice message before meeting the student.

Here's what I heard:

"Hi Joan... I'm calling because I would like to offer you the part time internship at Nyack Undergrad... I was very impressed with the interview and think you would be a good asset..."

After I heard that, my heart stopped for a moment, I needed to gather myself together and I turned off my phone since the student was coming in. This is what was going on in my head: "OH MY GOSH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS JUST HAPPENED. I HOPE I'M HEARING THIS RIGHT. GOD IS CRAZY."

An hour or two later, I finished hearing the message, this is what the supervisor said:  "...I'm hoping you would be able to work on Tuesday and Thursday since you said that you are flexible...I hope you're still interested and want to come on board. Thank you, God bless."

Right away, I freaked out and was in so much shock because this was the least I expected. I was so frustrated yesterday because after meeting with the internship advisor, she gave me advice I already knew and told me to just apply for a couple more internship sites and see where it takes me. Then, when I met up with the other half, he jokingly said, "Maybe it's not God's will to get an internship right away." So, anxiety, of course, was still high and I was just too exhausted to move forward.

The first person I told was my angel, who was sitting right in front of me. She said, "Joan, you've been receiving a lot of blessings lately!" And I told her how much I was in awe of what was happening, God has been doing so many things in my life recently I'm having a hard time balancing everything.

Then, she said... "You're doing the right thing, all these things are happening because you're walking in alignment with God."

Wow.

Now although this is wonderful news, I still have to figure out how to balance everything. He wants me to do Tuesdays and Thursdays which means I have to make up my hours for my job which means I have to spend a lot of time in the work place. In addition, this is going to be for two years, so I'll be most probably exhausted every single day of the week for two years before I finally get to graduate and be free, but all in all, WOW, God, you always surprise me and you always confirm that I should just trust in you.

Protection

Last night I had a dream that I was sitting in the dining hall and got up and reprimanded two people in the hallways of the church (although I don't clearly remember what I rebuked them about). Just when one of the persons were going to heavily attack me, they weren't able to, I was blocked by a protective force or shield. Interestingly, I immediately thought it was God protecting me because I was doing the right thing. The first thought was, whoah, thank you God.

The other day, my coworker was reading a verse to me about God chastening us and disciplining us into righteousness. The love of God doesn't come easy and fluffy. This conversation led to more discussion about how important it is to speak truth into someone's life. I felt like this dream was confirming that I shouldn't have fear when it comes to something like that because its always necessary to speak the truth in love. And God will work through me to be his hands extended.

Exhausted

Over the past two weeks, the first word that typically comes to mind when someone asks me how I'm doing is: EXHAUSTED. I feel extremely exhausted. Mainly because of working in a totally new environment, learning all these new things for the job and understanding new lingo. On a daily basis, there's too much information to absorb that by the end of the work day, I just want to sleep. Nonetheless, I'm so grateful that the team is so welcoming, everyone has the patience to teach and I'm picking things up slowly but surely. This has been taking a toll on everything else in life, though, and I just need God's strength to pull through, especially pull through with wedding planning as well as finishing the rest of the semester well. There are SO many things I needed to accomplish in my head and it was causing me to be more exhausted so I wrote it down so I least I can get it out of my mind. After writing it down, I look at it, and I'm thinking, man it's taking me too long to finish this list, gah! I'm taking the least amount of credits I've ever taken in my AGSC career but I feel the most exhausted in this season of my life. God is great, I thank him everyday for blessing me so much, now I just need to learn how to balance all of it.

Internship

Finding an internship hasn't been the smoothest process for me, in fact, it's been almost two months and I have still yet to land an internship. Initially, I was pretty confident that it wouldn't be hard to find one, but since of all the crazy great circumstances that have been getting in the way, my options are not as broad anymore. And because of that, it hasn't been very easy. Of course, I know I have to trust God in this whole process but it's still making me anxious and stressed nonetheless. I know that God is going to have the right internship panned out for me, I just have to be patient in waiting.

Throughout the past two months, I've had so many emotions towards internship. I've felt discouraged enough to reconsider if I should graduate from AGSC or not. I have thought about taking the decelerated track and just graduate in two years because I just attained this job which is taking up most of my time. It's been hard for me to see that I can graduate in a year although that was my original goal. I'm sure that God has something planned out for me in the way I least expect, but I'm getting too anxious!

Anyway, during peer coaching today, I made up my mind to at least try to find an internship where their offices are opened on Saturdays. I set the goal to finish in one year and it's not impossible and I shouldn't get discouraged.

Last week I interned for two places. One place seemed like they saw me as a good candidate but when I mentioned that I might've preferred part time, they had to second think the decision. The second place I interviewed at... it was a great interview but it was a conflict of interest, so it's very hard to say that he'd call me back.

I know I have to do my due diligence and wait patiently. Since I don't have much time before the deadline to find an internship, there are the following steps I'm going to take and hope that God would truly take care of the rest for me:

- Call the two sites and follow up with them.
- Talk to the internship advisor to see if she has any advice.
- Call some sites to see if they are accepting interns and if they are opened on Saturdays
- Possibly send some of my resumes if I see anything that might be doable.

I'm actually tired of sending out resumes, I don't want to get more calls for interviews because it's very inconvenient to go on interviews with such a tight schedule, and I just really pray that in this time of anxiousness, God would help me find rest in Him and that I would cast my cares upon Him and let him tae care of me and bless me with the internship that suits me.